That sounds like a lot, shrift!

I am feeling headachey and my eyes are burning-tired. I blame having my eyes dilated earlier today. It's really too early to go to bed, but here I am again. But my bff gets into town for the weekend, tomorrow, so I'm super excited about that.

Sophia, it's amazing to read how much you are getting done and how much time and effort you are dedicating to facing this Everest of challenges. You can do this, and you *are* doing this, step by step. Go you! (I am also happy to chip in as well, if needed).

Feel better, meara.

I would also be glad to chip in, because I know you work on a tight budget.

I struggle with hoarding issues myself, so I feel you. Living with another (mostly) responsible adult is a great impetus towards keeping a lid on it. I could easily see myself turning into the sort of hermit who has little corridors between towering Piles O' Stuff.

Thanks again. I am much less agitated than I was earlier this week, but still.

I finished the worst of the kitchen last night, but the floor is truly terrible.

I can't really do too much more bagging until some of the bags are removed. I think I might have to bite the bullet and take more than just one out a day! I was hoping to pay people, but I am not sure I can wait for the estimate and scheduling.

I am semi good at this panic stuff, but I am hoping the therapy will help me with more day to day function and motivation, as that is what caused this. I also seem to have this weird phobia/aversion to my downstairs neighbors seeing me take out the garbage or laundry, so it builds up. I don't know why- not a problem when I lived with people- they just took it out.

It does help to post to you guys what I am getting done- that gave me the motivation to finish the kitchen last night.

I still haven't told my mom, but I may have too if I need money or a place to stay. This is her worst nightmare. She used to yell at me as a kid for making things in my bedroom look like a flop house. Every summer I was sent away for a week while they hoed out my bedroom mess. She also does the same thing as I do, spiraling off into worst case scenarios which I am already doing- like me living in the costume shop and losing my job. And asks me if i am worried about it!

Therapy should absolutely give you tools to help with day to day function. You are dealing with this now and talking about it, and that is huge. Yes, we are here to help financially, and would physically if that were an option. As far as talking to your mom about it, only if it helps you! If it would result in added stress then don't.

A bit melancholy here. Mom gone 3 years yesterday and Steve gone 32 years today. I never remembered the dates until I looked up Steve's when I realized it might have been the same day Mom died. I wouldn't have remembered the date this year if not for Step-dad talking to me about it. Of course I think of them all days, but try and do my big internal memorializing on their birthdays. I don't need or want to remember their deaths.

Step-dad is still in rehab. I went to his house to get him some t-shirts from his dresser for him. In opening the drawers I found a paper plate with 2 cinnamon buns on it, like he put it there while doing something else and forgot them. Rock hard, but that could be from a week or months. He was having difficulty finding words several times when I visited him too. Trying to think of how to let his sons know they need to come see him themselves.

they were very reassuring that they have seen everything.

I'm sure they have. They wouldn't be in that business if they were judgy.

I've been in that business and I promise you, they aren't judging. They're there to help, and they have indeed seen worse.

I'm nowhere especially near where you are, but if checking in with you, or remote cheerleading for each space you clear or each thing you toss, or Venmo-ing a little something your way to help with the cleaning service would help you get through this, I'm sure I'm not the only one who would help however I can.

I would be glad to help too!

I also seem to have this weird phobia/aversion to my downstairs neighbors seeing me take out the garbage or laundry,

Not just you, I used to have a weird phobia about people seeing me leaving my apartment. I would take out garbage or go do laundry late at night so people were less likely to see me. It wasn't fear of being attacked, it was just fear of being watched. It went away when I moved here.

Laura, I'm sorry for the melancholy. Some dates are just hard. My mom's birthday was a couple days ago. My sister still calls to remind me.

I will write this g-d cover letter today if it kills me.

Good luck, Sophia. I'll add only that there are a lot of support groups out there. The virtue of a support group is that everyone has Been There. It's the kind of place where you can say that your mental health has been so bad at times that you've spent a week in the psych unit at a local hospital, and everybody will start talking about which hospital has the best psych unit.

I will write this g-d cover letter today if it kills me.

You got this, writer! I'm confident you have a pool of excellent proof readers here too.

I also have a "people might see me" aversion. Complete strangers I don't care about, but neighbors, yup. I find myself putting off running errands until after dark sometimes. Totally irrational, no idea where it comes from but it reminds me of, shoot, was it a Ray Bradbury story? Widow of an astronaut who fell into the sun or something.

Anyway, knowing that telling your mother would lead her to adding to your stress makes me think that postponing telling her for a bit is ok. Can you have a friend with you when you tell her to give you support?