Title: "Not Even Close: The State of Computer Security"

Venue: NDC Oslo 2015

Abstract: In this bleak, relentlessly morbid talk, James Mickens will describe why making computers secure is an intrinsically impossible task. He will explain why no programming language makes it easy to write secure code. He will then discuss why cloud computing is a black hole for privacy, and only useful for people who want to fill your machine with ads, viruses, or viruses that masquerade as ads. At this point in the talk, an audience member may suggest that Bitcoins can make things better. Mickens will laugh at this audience member and then explain why trusting the Bitcoin infrastructure is like asking Dracula to become a vegan. Mickens will conclude by describing why true love is a joke and why we are all destined to die alone and tormented. The first ten attendees will get balloon animals, and/or an unconvincing explanation about why Mickens intended to (but did not) bring balloon animals. Mickens will then flee on horseback while shouting "The Prince of Lies escapes again!"

Reminds me a little of this.

Computer Scientist as absurdist artist, I did not expect that overlap.

Now that Stallman has been kicked out, I guess there was a shortage of crazy tenured CS profs in Cambridge.

My god, that's marvelous.

If anyone wants a pick-me-up in this trashfire that is America, this video clip may do you: [link]

Link courtesy of BH-P! Whom I miss seeing here.

I have great plans for this weekend but I wasted all morning and now it's 1pm. Gotta go get a flu shot and buy butter. I may make croissants or chocolate chip cookies...

Yes him working is good and he had therapy again today and he is being respectful and even nice to me, so good stuff all around.

You guys. Read this. [link]

That was fantastic. I want tenure somewhere so I can do whatever the hell I want.

msbelle, glad mac's starting to get his ish together. Congrats to him on completing his first week of work!

ND and Pix, and everyone near this fire, may you all stay safe! I just turned on the news and saw it. Wildfires are the scariest thing, to me.

Y'all, I don't think I want to go back to work at a big soulless corporation. Of course that's where the money is, and I do like money, but I have been so much more relaxed this week than I normally am, despite my incipient poverty, I haven't even had a single hot flash or panic attack. Not one. Was I really that super-stressed out and didn't realize it?

a boxing lesson taught to Parkinson's patients

Neat!

Woo to people finishing a period of time at a new job successfully!

Yikes to fire. Stay safe, Noise and Pix!

Read this.

That is amazing and hilarious! Excellent use of tenure.

Was I really that super-stressed out and didn't realize it?

Yes, you were. Sorry. I hope you can avoid going back to that!

I'm going to try dropping in to Kaiser after work for a flu shot. It's right by Trader Joe's and I need to get some groceries, if I can do al that in one trip I will be pleased.

Yes, you were. Sorry. I hope you can avoid going back to that!

It was actually really kinda bad. I don't want to go back to that!

I've threatened to write my memoirs and go on Oprah. Who wants to buy my scandal-and-angst-filled autobiography, "Lost on the Road Less Traveled By"?

I hear you, Zen. I'm really trying not to go back to software, but my grand plans to be lofty and noble took a hit when husband got laid off. Fortunately, the contract job is documenting something that's already developed, so I don't have to participate in the whole cycle.

But yes, you were stressed and miserable.