I have posted this before in other places, but it's kind of my manifesto now for navigating life in these oh, so interesting times. There have been many ugly things that happened, many heartbreaking events, so very many ways the bastards try to get us down. But also, the world keeps turning. There are cute animals. There are adorable children. There are good things that do happen. There are amazing people fighting the bastards. So anyway:

I say we celebrate.

We celebrate every joyful moment that we can bear to. We celebrate each other. We celebrate victories minuscule and galactic. We celebrate our own worth and we celebrate the worth of every member of the human race.

We celebrate the effort that somehow came to naught, and we celebrate the moments when everything simply comes together in a constellation of perfection and there is victory. We celebrate, because to give in to despair will leave us no strength to fight. We celebrate in grey dresses and monotone voices. We celebrate in jewel tones and arias.

We will celebrate because this might be the Apocalypse and we have learned from Buffy that when we've done fighting this one, there will be another. We will celebrate because this might be Ragnaroc or it might be Armageddon but we will not go down without a fight.

We will celebrate because joy only lives intermingled with grief.

We will celebrate because every breath is a giant "Fuck you!" to the mundanity of evil.

I celebrate WindSparrow with joy!

::Raises glass to Windsparrow. Quaffs glass to the dregs. Smashes glass in fireplace. Roars, Klingon-wise, "To joy, victory, life!"::

In 2017, Trump

*strangled noises, sounds of furniture breaking*

*soothing Muzak*

Also in 2017, I broke my leg and dislocated my ankle falling down an extinct volcano in Iceland, which I maintain is the best way to incur a serious injury. Not merely because in Iceland they give you morphine. It was a very bad injury and required three surgeries to get it back to being a real leg again. I spent more than two months living at my sister's house, for good reasons, and I love her, but I missed my home and my kitties so much. (They had a good petsitter and were fine. They did miss me, though.) The ankle is healing; the bones are fine but the soft tissues resent the insult and could take a year to heal fully. I may have a limp forever, or arthritis, I may never be able to run again. (Oh, like I was a jogger before.) But I'm pretty thankful that I can walk without much pain. It could've been much worse.

There was also a dreadful incident with the bloodthinner Xarelto, which was prescribed as a blood clot preventative, but in 3x the amount it should've been, resulting in a period that didn't stop for six weeks, turned into a flood (in a movie theater, ffs), and ended with me going to the ER after fainting in the bathroom. Turned out, I had lost about half the blood in my body. They said if I'd been stoic much longer I could've died. That whole thing was more stressful than the broken leg. But I'll always have a special memory of Guardians of the Galaxy 2.

But there were good things for me in 2017 too. I made a new friend, the sister of one of my best friends, who spent Thanksgiving with my family and is a delightful person. She is, of course, getting ready to move about 2 hours away to move in with her boyfriend. *sigh* I'd like to have a friend who lives closer than 40 minutes' drive.

I got a new manager at work, which has relieved almost all my work stress. He's calm, competent, looks out for his team, and leaves us tf alone to do our jobs. It's great.

I've lost about 18 pounds this year, and finally found an AD that's working to manage my depression and anxiety. I'm not "cured" but I feel much better and can function more days than not. (ISTG last year if I hadn't been able to work from home and thus hide my meltdowns, I don't know what would've happened. Luckily nobody could tell what a hard time I was having.)

My kitties are happy and healthy and bratty and somehow not fat. My house and my car remain sturdy and reliable. Oh crap I forgot to call Allstate about the fence that fell down. Okay, Monday for that. Something else to be thankful for, good home insurance.

And my neighbors just brought me cookies, delivered solemnly by their 3-year-old adorable shy son. They're the perfect neighbors, friendly but with no desire to be friends. They feel the same about me, I know because they told me so! Dang, these cookies are delicious. That's dinner, right there, 'cause I'ma eat 'em all.

2018, no pressure, but you need to fix 2017's mess. Life is going pretty good for me and I don't need another dang fool Year getting me and my homies sent to the hospital or jail or another dang protest march in DC. I hate to give ultimatums, but get it together, or I'm breaking up with the Gregorian calendar.

eta words

Zen, I am ever so thankful to have you with us.

Beverly and Laura.... I raise my glass with you. Thank you, darlings.

Thank you for the excellent year end wrap up, Zen. I tell people about your Iceland experience more often than you would imagine. Then again I work with medical people. Wonderful to hear of the improvement in work environment. This no doubt goes a long way toward keeping you out of lockup of the loony or criminal variety.

2017 may end up defining the rest of my life. (How's that for an introductory sentence?)

It's been another difficult year on the feline front. Shortly after New Year's, we lost our flame-point, Arthur, to a stroke. Then in early October, our black cat, Coco, was diagnosed with lung cancer and started chemotherapy. The bright spot is that Coco is tolerating chemo well -- he acts like a perfectly healthy cat and has even gained some weight back. According to his latest chest x-ray, the cancer is stable -- which is good news in the sense that the chemo is not letting it grow.

Two new Assistant Directors at work. I've been severely underutilized since about February. Possibly because the division has grown a great deal over the past few years, possibly because the former administration valued my division's work a lot more than the new administration does.

Then last month I had a nervous breakdown, which resulted in 8 days in the hospital followed by a couple weeks of "partial hospitalization" in a classroom-type group therapy setting. (Today is my first full day at work in 4 weeks.) On a positive note, I've learned a great deal about myself in the last few weeks, and I now see that the breakdown had been coming for some months. I also found in group therapy that I have a certain talent for helping others.

The experience also gave me some new ideas for what to do in retirement. I'm close enough that every few days, I calculate how many days are left until I'm eligible (282, if you're counting). Still not sure whether to go in 2018 or 2019, but I'm seeing new directions whichever year I pick.

I'm sorry that the road to awakening had to be so painful, Fred. I'm not remotely surprised that you have a talent for helping others! We could have told you that. The compassion you have for your animals is a window into your underlying compassionate nature. 282 days is a great amount of time to make a plan for your life after retirement. Maybe also consider in the group therapy how to accept help as well as give it.

Fred, Laura said whst I was thinking. You are an amazing person.

Maybe also consider in the group therapy how to accept help as well as give it.

That was one thing I learned. Part of the program was making a safety plan, including who we can reach out to if things get so bad again.