Maria, the way I tried to narrow down finding a therapist -- if that's what you want to pursue -- was by searching on Psychology Today's find a therapist listing: [link] and seeing who sounded like someone with expertise in my issues AND who was on my insurance plan.

If you decide you might want to pursue therapy -- it is HARD as shit and painful and ugly, but it's also REALLY helping me, more than I thought it ever, ever could -- I'd recommend using that website to try to narrow it down.

Thank you, Teppy. I am petrified of therapy at this point, because I'm half-convinced that I haven't made as much progress as I thought I have. Ridiculous, I know.

I need to go back to the woman I'd started seeing. I liked her enormously the first time, but the second time she kind of irritated me, and then she went on vacation, and it's been a few weeks. I think I need to give her another shot.

I'm sorry about the panic attacks, Steph.

Dana, I used to take citalopram, and switched to fluoxetine because ... the citalopram had stopped working? Or it might have been an insurance issue. I should try switching back.

I ALSO found my therapist on Psychology Today. Actually, I found, like, five, and called them all. CALLED them, y'all. Two never got back to me. One did after a while and clearly was not a match. One did right away and I went to him for a couple trial sessions. One did right away, but was on vacation in Europe at the time, so I went to him for a couple of trial sessions after the first guy, and he was very obviously the right match so I worked with him for the next year.

When I started with him, I was depressed, suicidal, and actively engaging in self-destructive and self-defeating behaviors that I did not understand. I was in a marriage that I did not recognize was deeply dysfunctional. I had just shut down my non-profit I'd been running for the past two decades and did not know where I should move to or what I should do. I was paralyzed by indecision and confusion.

Over the past year, we got my self-destructive tendencies curbed, dug into the underlying shit (and I do mean shit) behind pretty much everything that was going on, came to the decision to divorce, walked through that process, came to the decision on my move and career, got me off the fluoxetine (which was great and totally worked, but I have mad side effects to everything I take, so...), sorted through some other complex relationships in my life, and got me on the path that led to this town and pursuing a lifelong dream.

I may crash and burn now, and it will all still have been totally worth it. I know within the core of my being that I could not have gotten here--sitting at my adorable mint green kitchen table, listening to what is apparently the biggest fireworks show in the country, texting to set up an appointment with one of my Berklee classmates who I've never met in person to songwrite together--without his gentle guidance and persistent labor.

Therapy is a lot of fucking work, and I know my situation is not representative, in that past-results-are-not-indicative-of-future way. I have a lot of ups and downs now. But I definitively know I am in a better place now than a year ago. I HIGHLY recommend, if you have the means. And probably even if you don't.

Liese, I'm sorry things were so tough, but so glad that you are starting life anew.

ETA Beloveds, you are worth the work. It is ok to be in a holding pattern for a bit, to rest and gather strength for future efforts, and if you are stuck maybe that is what is happening. But you deserve to respect and care for yourselves. So please do.

It's funny, half the time I deal out these kinds of pep talks, I find myself thinking, "oh crud, now I have to do what I just told them to do."

Please keep dealing them out, WS. Because they're helpful, and you are worth the work, too.

Thanks, all. I truly appreciate the discussion we're able to have in here, because I can't have it with anyone else right now.

It's a banner year for me at work, but I'm a wreck worrying about next year's goals. I'm tired of being on the road--the travel isn't always fun. I'm realizing I'm not happy in PA, especially since the election. I love my family, but there is such a thing as living too close, which makes me feel like a bad daughter. Relationship-wise? I'm not sure, and that worries me. I don't know if it's because I'm unhappy with the other parts of my life, or if I'm unhappy with the relationship itself.

It's funny, half the time I deal out these kinds of pep talks, I find myself thinking, "oh crud, now I have to do what I just told them to do."

Yeah, I do that to myself too.

I'm back to my "regularly scheduled life". Denver Comic Con is over - lots of long days and some hard decisions, but lots of highlights and I'm already looking forward to next year. Shoot, in August I've already committed myself to helping with a much smaller Con.

But now it is back to work, catching up on being out for a week during a holiday shortened week, so this is going to be..."fun". But I'm on a break from school for a couple of weeks, my "granddaughter" is off with her mom for about 10 days, and my calendar is blissfully empty. Time to get back to my healthy eating habits and restart my gym routine.

For those of you in Hogwarts Running Club - can I count my 40+ miles that I walked during the Con against my virtual races?

Sounds like you had a fabulous time, Suzi. Another friend of mine attended, and she raved about the experience.

Enjoy your downtime, and rest.

Thanks so much for the therapist locator link. Super helpful tool.

Also, all my love to everyone struggling and all my respect for those who have worked/are working so hard through it.