meara, exactly!

---

I haven't yet had to take any time off because of a migraine, just doctors' appointments here and there, which my manager is great about. It's not supposed to make a difference if you told them when you got hired or later, but I figured it couldn't hurt.

---

Yep, these are all the things that are making me conflicted. I know my depression has affected my ability to show up for my job from time to time, but more often it's made me really good at my job, so it's kind of the opposite of a disability. So am I taking up a space that could have gone to someone with a serious ability mismatch? (In this particular job, no...but in general).

A friend of mine who has been diagnosed with autism jokes that she's one of the few "out" people on the spectrum at her gov't agency. She estimates about 10-15% of the workforce is on the spectrum. For much of the work that agency does, this is ideal and will lead to personal and mission success. Another friend of mine who uses a wheelchair left that agency and career, though, because while brilliant at her job, all the opportunities for promotion were closed to her (like, she couldn't just hop in a car and go meet with a congressperson's office, so peers who could and did got promoted).

My migraines are almost always right before a big change in the weather - I am a human barometer - and I can almost always just go home/not come in. My new company does the Netflix thing - you don't accrue leave, you just take off when you need to and they expect you to be an adult about it - so I don't anticipate any issues there.

---

My migraines are almost always right before a big change in the weather - I am a human barometer

#TeamBarometer

---

But it's been so much worse than we imagined.

My kids are failing. I feel like a failure.

Oliver just flat out quit working on their assignments and is so far behind we don’t know what to do.

There is zero self-motivation. We took cell phones and non-school computers away for periods of time but it seemed to make things worse.

I finally started bringing Oliver into work with me so they can a)get away from the house and b) not have as many distractions.

We are still looking at summer school. My kids need more structure than I can give them at home with both parents working.

We are sending Oliver back to part time, blended learning next semester. Maybe face to face with teachers will actually be what they need.

Owen is more withdrawn. I know he’s struggling with gender identity but doesn’t want to discuss it with us and I think he just can’t wait to be out on his own—the only problem is he is balking on college and not sure what to do.

---

Cashmere, I feel so sorry for the kids. C is a college junior, was always a top student, isn't sure he's going to pass all his classes this semester, and could lose his scholarship. He found himself in a situation very like Oliver's. If it helps to tell them that, please feel free. Much love to them, to Owen, and to you.

More people than not are going through this. Structure is C's big problem, too. He is someone who needs it to thrive, and adapts to it well, but isn't good (yet?) at establishing it for himself.

I'm 53, and I'm not good at it, either.

---

Matilda has managed to keep up with the school work, but I know she finds it much less rewarding/challenging and the retention is much lower. Emmett has reported the same with his online college classes. He's focusing on finishing his BA and I feel like he has not really gotten the full benefit of that education.

Matilda has been so depressed though for much of this pandemic. Her large, lateral extended network of friendships is - by far - the most important thing in her life and well being. And it's been completely amputated.

She doesn't talk about it but I know she's been really hurt that some of her closest friends formed social/pandemic bubbles that didn't include her. She's literally only seen two of her friends with any regularity since March. And it doesn't help that we've only been infrequently able to see Emmett, the other big emotional support in her life.

She's also turned into a complete, immobile lump. She hasn't done anything physical except (occasionally) walking outside of the house for more than six months, and she wants to just sink into her bed for 14 hours a day if I don't physically drag her out.

---

Part of me wishes we could use the Vulcan pedagogical model of sticking our spawn in a learning pod, but humans kids are made for personal interaction and hands on learning. It's evolutionary and this whole shit show COULD have been avoided.

We could have locked down early, keep the bars and restaurants closed and kept the schools open. But nobody in this country does anything for anyone else (present company excluded) and I'm so tired.

Ugh.

---

Hugs to my fellow parents. This year is so shitty in so many ways, but I hate what it is doing to my kids the most. FUCK THAT ORANGE FUCKER SO MUCH.

---

A friend of mine who has been diagnosed with autism jokes that she's one of the few "out" people on the spectrum at her gov't agency. She estimates about 10-15% of the workforce is on the spectrum. For much of the work that agency does, this is ideal and will lead to personal and mission success.

I was discretely informed by a colleague that one of the attorneys I work with frequently is on the spectrum. Since our HR are sticklers about privacy I’m pretty sure the attorney themself put the word out. I adjusted some of the ways I communicate with them and working together went from frustrating to very gratifying. I believe the greater ease is mutually appreciated.

---