That sounds a whole lot better.

Hil I'm glad you have this fixed and are going to get the bathroom cleaned

I have to vent about Matthew's mom and I'm suddenly paranoid about doing it on FB even locked down. (quick recap - she inherited the house we live in and then she moved in w/5 days notice, she doesn't have a car right now and is on disability). Matthew & I went up to see Mom and Evander and it was an awesome afternoon. We get home and as soon as we are in the door his mom is yelling (because her door is ALWAYS open and she communicates most often by yelling down the hall) if we brought her food. The answer is no , we didn't even bring ourselves food. Then she demands "go get me some food". No, how was your visit. No hello or anything.

The other night we were watching The Spy Who Dumped Me and she actually came in the room and demanded that he go and clean some stuff up in the yard. When he said that he was watching a movie she huffed and pouted and then left. It's starting to get to me. Also the fact she has her tv on all the time and has the door open. Even if she is outside doing yard work she leaves the tv on.

We can't afford to move right now and his mom doesn't want us to move and gets upset if we talk about moving but she also doesn't make it easy to live with her

Wish I had something to say but "Yikes", askye. hope you can get out soon or at least have some ground rules, For myself, I think it's weird that, at a time when I understand my father least, I am becoming like him and burying my feelings in work. Sometimes I don't even know why I fight so hard for this political stuff, in one sense, because I no longer really imagine my own life getting better. (OTOH, it's good to fight for other people too, but I can't help wishing my own prospects weren't like "Democrats win=Erika keeps her crumbs" vs. Republicans win= Erika not-so-stoically faces her future in a home for defective ladies of a certain age.) As important as the crumbs are, it seems really sad to not see anything for myself at a time when every other shirt on etsy is all "Girls rule the world," or "Madam President". I had a premonition around my last birthday...that it would be my last birthday(No empirical reason to think so, even that I believe in premonitions...I'm as fine as I get) but I can't shake it, especially as it gets closer. And I'm not like my father because none of my relationships are untended for this. I could be Good Daughter in my sleep and in the morning I probably am.

It wasn't spooky, either, just a calm little voice in my head in September saying "You know this is it, right?"It made as much sense as anything else for it to be true, although it may not have stuck with me if I hadn't read about a disabled playwright who just didn't wake up one day not long after having her play produced(of course, maybe my lack of success is me saving myself.)

Sorry. Wrong thread.

Although reading about some drama that broke out with NCIL(that I'm not sure I fully understand) makes it clear to me that I'm glad I'm not, you know, in disability as a profession. Although people have liked that for me in the past, cause it's like rabblerousing only I can wear little Maddow blazers...I don't think I'm the right type and I'm okay with that. If only it were as easy to find things I do want(and can get) as things that I don't want or that seem impossible.

I'm sorry you're struggling with this Erika. From my perspective, you've made lots of important changes in your life. When you first started posting, you were interested in writing but trying to find your way. Since then, you've had piece published in quite a few outlets and developed a real and unique writer's voice. That's a real accomplishment.

Scrappy is wise, as usual.

Got to Maine. It's pretty nice so far. Our hotel rooms overlook the beach, so that's really nice -- I can sit inside in the air conditioning and still watch the waves. (It's way too hot to be outside and not be in the water, but I can't be in the water right now because I have to finish an assignment for the genealogy class, because dealing with everything else this past week meant that I couldn't finish it before I left like I'd meant to.)

Food has been OK so far. First night, my mom was too tired to go out, so my dad and I went to a Thai restaurant (which he raved about like I've never heard him rave about any food before -- like, he took the first bite and was like, "OMG, this is delicious!" and he usually doesn't really care about food at all), and then we stopped at a seafood place on the way back to get some fried clams for my mom. Last night, we went to a place where the veggie option was a veggie rice bowl, which turned out to be a big bowl of white rice topped with grilled asparagus, steamed cauliflower, chopped tomatoes and avocado, with a little container of teriyaki sauce to pour over it (which the menu claimed was peanut sauce.) I like each of those things individually, but all together it was kind of weird. But, whatever. It was food.