Just dropping in to say Hi before I head out the door for home. I've been trying to catch up most of the day but I had someone else's emergency to deal with (new user manual promised to the customer in April, Engineer futzed around for months and finally turned it in to me this morning, so I had one day to get it proofed, formatted, and turned around for approvals, because they re-promised it for this Friday - normally I wouldn't bother to give so much detail when bitching, but I love that you guys actually GET IT), so I was a bit more focused (on work and nothing else) than usual today.

Anyway, reading along, agreeing with Bev on the awesomeness found here, promising myself that I will stop living in my head so much and remember to be present more, including/especially here.

So, hey guys! Love y'all! And good night!

One of the most important things I learned from therapy is that it's okay, you can still love your parent WHILE acknowledging that they fucked shit up, even if they were trying their best.

I can only imagine how tough it is for you, Steph, as you navigate caring for your mom while trying to maintain sanity. I might frame it not as losing ground but as finding out where the patches had not quite adhered and having the chance to reinforce the patch work. For you, I would frame it that way. For me, I'd be all over the feeling of failure and losing ground.

Says the person who spent the last week utterly amazed that her favorite brother is a dick just like the other brother. (I've been asking myself, "Did I just get 'fake geek girl'ed by the guy who introduced me to Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ?)

One of the most important things I learned from therapy is that it's okay, you can still love your parent WHILE acknowledging that they fucked shit up, even if they were trying their best.

The first idea that I could maybe do this was the first time I read The Prince of Tides when I was a freshman in college. Lila Wingo is eerily like the worst aspects of my mom, hand to god. (Which I got confirmed when, in a perverse streak, I gave the book to mom to read, but then my stepdad read it, too, and they apparently had a huge fight when he told Mom she was just like Lila Wingo.)

Anyway, yeah. I am coming to terms with that dichotomy, and it's been okay to deal with. But Mom's surgery just threw a monkey wrench into the works for a while because if someone's needs are going to come first, it's going to be the person who just had open-heart surgery. Which is as it should be, and would be fine in a less fucked-up family. However, THIS family has an adult daughter who is just now working through how to even acknowledge that it might not be unsafe to have needs.

This has been your morning brain dump.

Oh, also, my freelance coordinator emailed me this morning and said of course I could take fewer articles for the 2 weeks following this one. (Our schedule is such that they send us articles to be edited on Wednesdays, and the number we get is established the week prior, so I already knew that I was getting 4 today, and that's fine. If there were a legitimate emergency, like when I flew to Colorado for my brother, they would take care of reassigning my manuscripts, but in a case like this, I can get through the next week with 4 manuscripts, especially since I know I'll have 2 lighter weeks after it.)

However, THIS family has an adult daughter who is just now working through how to even acknowledge that it might not be unsafe to have needs.

That's quite an emotional tightrope to walk. Good luck and hang the hell on. You can do this. You are a therapy badass.

I suggest using an affirmation script of what you need to remember spoken aloud or written down, often. E.g., "Mom is just another adult. It's right and good to put myself first. Mom's immediate needs come first FOR NOW due to circumstances, just like any other adult I might be taking care of. I owe her nothing more than the physical care I've promised to give and the kindness I'd show to any other adult in need." (I tell my scripts to myself in the mirror; I imagine that as a way to talk directly to my subconscious. YMMV)

So! I just got back from yet another doctor appointment, wherein they drew blood from both arms because the left arm veins shut down and crawled away after the first vial... of twelve. They're checking everything: CBC, hemoglobin/iron, B12, folic acid, clotting factors, stuff I never heard of before. They want to make sure it's safe for me not to be taking any blood thinners. Which I think it is, but it's good to know all this for sure. I joked with the doctor that once they took all this blood, I'd be anemic again. He laughed and prescribed a hamburger.

Also, official confirmation that my blood type is O-. The BEST blood type.

Sadly, this appointment caused me to miss the Very Important Quarterly Meeting at work. Alas. Weeping.

left arm veins shut down and crawled away after the first vial... of twelve.

Yikes! I really wish that they could come up with a better way to do this. Come on Scientists! Get on it.

Zen, you need to KEEP your blood after your most recent hospital trip! 12 vials seems way overboard. Sheesh.

Zen is wise. But hopefully not a quart low.

Also, official confirmation that my blood type is O-. The BEST blood type.

In case we didn't already want to hang with you in case of apocalypse!

Yeah, I just went to a Fury Road place.