I'm at that "nuke it from orbit" stage of therapy. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm kind of tired of it. It's depressing. So, you know, I'll go tomorrow and it will be great and I'll walk out of there feeling better...and maybe next Tuesday I won't do this again.

Edited:

sj, I'm sorry about those ducks.

I have no kitty story you guys haven't already heard, but I am loving reading them.

Ducks, effing minature dinosaurs.

From the administration's perspective, the students are well-cared for, so the instructor doesn't have to be nervous about it. I suppose that the cumulative nature of intro math classes would make this more of a challenge than it is in psychology classes, but there might be enough side topics or 'application to the real world' topics to make it possible.

Yeah, this is the issue that I'm coming up against.

And, ugh. The department head just sent out an email to everyone, reminding us all that canceling classes is a "serious matter." Fuck.

Now I'm googling "work from home with benefits." And I can't tell how worried I should be.

I'm sorry, Hil. That sucks.

Also feeling really jealous of one of my disabled friends who's married, and who recently quit her job because it was getting to be too much for her to handle, and her husband's income is enough for them both to live on, and they're considering having a baby soon. But I'm a freak who apparently can't handle a job OR a relationship.

I've at least googled enough to convince myself that, if I can't stay at this job for whatever reason, then I'm not going to be completely unemployable. I do have skills. (And two people on Twitter just tried to hire me to do genealogy for them, but I don't have time for that now, but hey, that's a thing I could do, if I need to do something different.)

Also just emailed the workplace accommodations person to find out if "no classes before 10 AM" could be considered a reasonable accommodation. Because that would help me a whole lot. Especially considering that it's quarter to 1 and I'm nowhere near asleep yet, both because of anxiety and because my knee is hurting like hell because I twisted it while taking out the trash.

Last time I had this freak-out, my sister reassured me that she makes six figures and she won't let me end up homeless or anything. And my parents won't, either. So I have that, which a lot of disabled people don't have.

I need to message my doctor to ask for an early refill on my pain meds, which is yet another thing making my anxiety go nuts.

Closing on the condo is on Thursday, which I oddly don't have much anxiety about -- having a place that's mine feels calming. I hate renting and always being scared of breaking something.

Sorry, Hil.

Hil, I'm sorry you have to go through this, and especially all of this at once.

Thanks, everyone.

I got a bit of sleep last night, though not much -- maybe three or four hours -- and my stomach is still upset, so I'm having pretzels and apple juice for lunch. So, that's my day. But I did just go to the bank and wire the money for the down payment for the condo, so there's that, at least.