Oh, and in totally other news, Aidan asked me a couple of days ago how old he had to be to have gender-reassignment surgery. His reasons:
1. He wants to look good in a skirt.
2. He wants to have a higher, prettier voice.
3. He wants to look pretty and maybe wear makeup.
I asked him if he felt like a girl inside, and he said he didn't know, but he felt all shaky and his heart beat really fast at being asked that, so maybe.
I mentioned Tep's boy and ND's kilts. I told him he didn't have to worry about gender at all, but could dress up any way he liked, and if he wanted to do it "boy-style" I'd get him a kilt. We looked at kilts, and I think he didn't think they were pretty enough.
He thinks the idea of wearing girl underwear is gross. Also, he needs boobs. He doesn't care what his external genitalia looks like, but he supposes they'll cut off what's "down there".
He was all over the map, but relieved he didn't have to make a decision right away.
He is interested in the idea of makeup but maybe just eyeliner, and black nails so he can wear them all week without generating too much commentary at school, or some pretty color, but only on the weekends.
I'm kind of thrown for a loop, really. I don't quite know how to address any of this, but we're working on it.
I'm not quite sure what I'm doing with these kids, but it's certainly huge.
Gender stuff is really common with autistic kids. Sometimes for a year or two, sometimes for life. I'd recommend supporting exploring presentation and stressing that he's got time and space to explore.
Having done my share of gender exploration over the years, I'm relieved that some of the medical options available now weren't available when I was younger, for whatever that's worth. I'm happy to go into this in email to an extent.
I'd recommend supporting exploring presentation and stressing that he's got time and space to explore.
This. So much this. That's the answer I give the babybats who are muddling with this sort of thing.
If he wants boobs, maybe a training bra combined with those push-up gel inserts? That way he can see if he likes the reality, and isn't just enamored with the idea.
For makeup, if he wants to explore it: Wet n' Wild is the brand you want. Good quality, available at almost every drugstore/big box store, and inexpensive. If a travel mishap happened and I had to replace my makeup kit, I'd be able to put a reasonable duplicate together from Wn'W and NYX brands.
For makeup, if he wants to explore it:
And there are so many YouTube tutorials for makeup (which of course aren't just for trans folx) (I say as someone who STILL can't do winged eyeliner).
Mr. Loomy would never go for it, but aaauuugh! I want to do that.
I don't recall how old A is but you could also see if hormone blockers would be appropriate/-it stops puberty (if he's still young enough) and isn't permanent. If he wanted to stay he, no problem you stop the blockers, and if not, makes it easier to transition and pass.
He'll be 16 next week. I think it's too late for hormone blockers. My impulse is to let him explore too, while not actually changing anything permanently. I didn't know that about gender stuff with autistic kids. I will research more. I think I'll take him to Wal-Mart this weekend and look at makeup and fingernail polish together. I offered voice lessons so he could work on increasing his vocal range and talking/singing higher if he wants to try that. Youtube is a great idea for the makeup, especially if a "boy" is doing it so he can see it.
Thanks, guys. I appreciate all the pointers so much. P.M., no worries. I always love to hear from you, but you don't need to wander down memory lane for us, but thank you so much for offering.
One of my staff has a full beard and regularly has his finger nails done. Very often is nice bright colors. I wear kilts, and have been known to turn up in eyeliner. Would probably do it more often if it didn't take time.
Youtube is a great idea for the makeup, especially if a "boy" is doing it so he can see it.
This is the instagram of the son of a friend of mine: [link]
He's 15 and has 17,000 followers!
