Steph, your mom just had major open heart surgery. Anyone else who insists on your social presence and personal energy for the next month is an asshat and needs to STFU.

Steph, give yourself a fucking break! You deserve it! Life events of the unplanned variety always trump the ones of the planned ilk. Any adult knows this. If your friends don't get it, they will get over it.

Jessica, smite that asshole to dust!

Hil, glad you saw WW.

What quester and others have said. I am just catching up here.

In Tallahassee for a b-ball tournament. 57 teams from all over so there are lots and lots of teens and coaches and so forth all over the place. I haven't gone to any of the games because I am just dedicated to relaxing. I have read a bunch, and swam. Now awaiting a friend to pick me up who I haven't seen in years.

Do I feel guilty that DH's team had 3 games yesterday and another 3 today and I am not doing a team mom thing? Maybe, but it isn't altering my relaxation plans, because I know I need the down time. Self care for the win!

Strix, all the ~ma for D's family.

Tep, as an introvert with soc anx, I empathize entirely. That sounds wholly overwhelming. I've had to learn to try to balance letting go of feeling so fucking shitty when I have to renege on a social engagement and pushing my comfort levels so that I do go out and engage with people & that I don't isolate myself.

It's really hard. And I've really come to know that some people are truly good friends that accept me and are helpful in negotiating this balancing act with honesty, and some aren't. And that friendships change, and the ones worth expending emotional energy on are the ones who will meet you halfway, and that IT IS OK to accept that you need to downgrade relationships when they and you have changed.

It doesn't FEEL great, and it's ok to mourn that, but it's your right to feel supported and to take care of yourself, because the way you feel is important and valid, and saying "No" EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE AN EXTERIOR REASON BEYOND I TRULY CANNOT DEAL is OK. Just "I can't" is reason enough in and of itself, and it's ok to loosen or break ties with people who can't support this, and (oh, this sounds so twee, but I do mean it) the facets of your healing journey.

Strix, tons of ~ma for you and yours. I'm so sorry.

Sending TCG with ltc to get her haircut while I stay home and take a bath in a quiet house is quite possibly the best idea I have ever had.

Strix, I am so sorry for what you and your husband are going through!

Steph, what Strix said about being an introvert is so true. as much as I crave contact, I get really stressed about social situations. I have to take anti-anxiety meds when doing stuff with family.

sj, excellent plan!

H has been in NC dealing with family for two weeks, and will probably be there until end of August, early September.

I have missed him, of course, and felt sort of rudderless for a day or so, but actually, it's been quite restful. I've given myself permission to sleep in, to nap, to *not* do the expected things just so the Other Human isn't alarmed by schedule deviation. I find I'm both eating and sleeping, voluntarily, on a schedule which pretty much resembles the usual. I have a couple of ongoing household projects which I'm not pushing to get done, rather taking my time, enjoying thinking it through, taking a posting pictures of the progress to H.

He's got it much worse, in dealing with family stuff, and he misses me. I'm finding it, as I said, restful, without the goad of expectation.

Best to each of you who's wrangling with issues large and small. Coping and strength and courage to all who need them.

Thanks much, all. You're lovely.

sj, glad you got a peaceful bath! That sounds lovely.

~ma to your DH's family, Beverly. And yes,I'm sure you are enjoying your alone time.

Strix, that is just awful. I'm so sorry.

So it turns out he didn't ghost on me, he thought I "unmatched" us because I stopped showing in his feed. We went out tonight for a drink. He's very smart and geeky and doesn't seem homophobic and is aware of his white privilege. And he's pretty cute. There was smooching. He was super into me immediately, which freaked me right the fuck out. I got so anxious that I can't really parse how I feel about him. Too bad my next therapy sessions is three weeks away; I knew I had shit to deal with, but being single for so long it's taken a back seat to all the other things. And I told him about my anxiety and stuff and that I was feeling anxious around him, and he's cool with that but just super INTENSE. I'm used to being the intense one and it's really uncomfortable for me to be on the receiving end of that kind of attention right off.

Anyway. I may see him again tomorrow. We'll see if I can process a bit and communicate with him about what might be helpful in dialing down that anxiety. BLERGH.

I'm glad the guy isn't a ghosting jerk. Here's to possibilities!