totally. Hecubus, insent. This is the time of year when I kind of feel like a freak for being so single and stuff

Ugh. I hate being the only single person in a group. It keep happening because I keep being single.

Sorry meara.

E is going to be here for a few days after Xmas. And he will see his other grandma. I've tried to get an idea of when so I could ask for a day off when I could spend time with him. But the dates were just decided and the schedule is made. I might be able to work something out but I don't know.

Ive been terrible about keeping up with him but he doesn't have access to email and I haven't written letters or cards and our schedules don't work out for phone calls. For xmas I'm going to get some note cards and stamps and try to start writing to E. Maybe he will write back.

Email would be easier but my brother is still really limiting his access to screentime etc.

erika, I meant to thank you for the mail you sent me. Never fails to make me smile. It's been ... yeah, it's been wintertime, and I'll leave it at that.

But thank you. It means more than I'll ever be able to properly say.

Well, with my philosophy of "if it ain't working try something else", I spent about 90 minutes with the nutritionist yesterday. This is the nutritionist in the acupuncture center, so holistic nutrition. The only supplement that she added was a B vitamin kind of mix for energy. She hooked me up to electrodes of some kind which showed various percentages of cellular water and fat and so forth.

Plan is to get 100 oz of water a day, a lot more protein and fat, and start this modified elimination diet. Then after 28 days start adding stuff back. No gluten, no dairy or soy, no nightshades, no egg whites but yolks okay (that was an odd one, she said to HB them and sprinkle the yolks over salads or oatmeal), and weaning from coffee. Bunch of other dietary items too, like I can have my glass of wine, but no more hot pepper flakes, or jalapenos!

We agreed that Christmas was a total cheat day. Because BIL's BIL is an incredible fancy french chef and no missing out.

Since this is of course the woo woo place and not my hardass PCP the wellness plan includes walking bare foot on the earth daily (yay Florida), dry brushing, at least 3 min diaphragmatic breathing.

So, we shall see if my hormonal and metabolic balances are somewhere back to normal after a month. Stay tuned.

Fingers crossed, Laura.

I'm sorry for everyone dealing with familial bullshit. Everyone is welcome at our house, and the biggest drama will be which present the three-year-old wants to snuggle with at night.

(I was just thinking about shitty blood family last night, when I realized all of my father's relatives have stopped reaching out to me. They all used to, and I'd blow them off every year because I knew he was putting them up to it.)

I am so sorry for all of the bullshit family drama and violence, Buffistas.

While I've had and am having issues with them occasionally, I was always very proud of my parents who managed to start a family and raised two daughters without the violence and abuse they were subjected to as children. They really did the best they could, most of the time.

If I have a regret about my current relationship with them, it is in this gap: they came from a broken and shattered world that encouraged them to never trust anyone. We do not seek or define happiness or meaning in the same ways and vectors. And I know better than asking them to dare and challenge the coping mechanisms that protected them most of their lives.

A damage-causing blood clot has, naturally, triggered all sorts of excitement in my medical care. I've got two doctor's appointments and two scanning appointments in the next four week. This is ramping up all my "The doctor is going to yell at me for my poor life choices" and "the scans are going to reveal that I am fucked" fears. Though, bluntly put, my life choices have been poor and I shouldn't be surprised if I am a little fucked. Hubby's doctor routine was a full-time job, and I can't live like that.

I'm particularl peeved because I'd just gotten myself into a place of "All right, exercise, stop putting it off already and start slow" and revising my diet. I don't want to be frowned at and lectured.

I'm sorry, Connie. I hope the tests say 'much ado about nothing' and that the doctors are supportive and encouraging rather than judgemental.

I'm sorry too, Connie, and hope there are things you can do that won't be too onerous and will still make a difference.

Good luck with your plan, Laura. The thing a lot of folks who are off nightshades forget is that peppers, all kinds of peppers, and including powders and flakes, are still nightshades. Hard thing to remember.

H and StY stopped at Multnomah this afternoon. Very impressed. And I don't know why they're not here yet. 200 miles? Pfft, nothing! The clock seems to have stopped.