Yay!

I ran a couple cartons of almond milk over to #1 son, part to keep him from starving, part to check on him. Apartment was a lot cleaner than last visit. That probably means girls visited. I know, sexist, but they seem to have a lower tolerance for squalor than my son. I invited his roommate to join us for T'day.

Maybe he cleaned up for them? We can dream happy dreams!

Zen and Deena, I'm so sorry things aren't as right as they should be (Laura, too) in your world. I can't think of stronger women than you to deal with what's wrong, though. All best ~ma to all of you.

I set my effective meter on stun before bed last night, intending to leap to my feet, dress, medicate, and sally forth before I had time to think about it and let the don'wannas in.

Yeah, not happening. If I don't go for groceries today then I won't go before Monday. Well, there's plenty of food in freezer and pantry, and I didn't need those ice cream bars and frozen strawberries anyway. I've got sugar and half&half for coffee, and tea if I run out of coffee, and plenty of rice and frozen veg, canned tuna and frozen fishsticks, chicken, and beef for stir-fry. Not like I'm gonna starve for lack of ice cream bars, or chocolate.

I will get to UPS tomorrow, and see if I can sneak in a walk-in haircut. That's about the limit of my out-going for right now. I already have travel and socialize on Thursday. And getting the garbage and recycling out. The donation trip to Goodwill--all the way on the other side of town--can wait. Awhile, if need be.

My cooking is delayed. I gave DH the shopping list because I hate to shop and he picked up most of the things on the list at Trader Joe's. However, there is one ingredient missing for the cranberry sauce, one from the soup, and one for the dressing. He is getting those things from another store after his basketball game tonight. So I cook tomorrow. Or I could run to the store and pick them up tonight. Hahahaha!

I did get the jar of CBD oil I am going to try on the bum knee from UPS! Smells nice. Minty.

Thank you, Beverly. I feel more like a wet dishrag than a strong woman, but I won't argue! Speaking of the don'wannas, I have a permanent case; I have to force myself to do anything that requires leaving the house, even fun things.

Ack, Zen. I feel your pain—almost literally.

One of us in this predicament was already too many! I poked around the internet one time looking for stories of broken ankles, but for everyone who healed right up, there were two "it was never right again"s, and that gave me no cheer. I never in my life wanted to go jogging until I couldn't!

Tramadol - I got a script for Tramadol and filled it but never took it. Maybe it would help, but I've read too many horror stories about difficult withdrawals. I figure, I'm already taking -uh, five medications that can have bad side effects and/or difficult withdrawals, let's not add yet another to the juggling act. (Percocet, Valium, Effexor, Tylenol, and Advil. Yes, I know :-) don't worry.)

My sister Mona broke her ankle slipping on ice a while back. She was hanging christmas lights on her outside deck. She lives alone so she had to get herself inside to call for help. She healed up fine, but it totally sucked because she lives in the middle of nowhere and having to get her son to drive her around drove her insane. It surely felt like years to her.

Send your sister my admiration, Laura. Just the thought of having to drag myself anywhere with my lower leg hanging loose freaks me out a little. When mine broke, I just laid there and covered my face and screamed until people came.

Zen, I have had to miss it before and never reacted like this time, but I've been on it a lot longer now. I like it because it helps, but if you have something effective without it, I agree that not taking it is a good idea.

Bev, you are, as always, an awesome cheerleader. Thank you.

Things are actually not bad right now. Kara is getting help and the doctors here are so awesome. The difference between the ones here and the docs I met in Ohio is huge. Even the specialists relax and listen and make sense when they explain what's going on, and don't treat me like I'm stupid or evil because I'm overweight and a little crazy.

Aidan has gone from shouting and breaking things to the occasional slap of the wall and apologizing if he gets loud. I'm really, really proud of him.

Kara and I loved his therapist so much that she's now our therapist and he doesn't have to go anymore. She helped me realize that I actually have problems and can't just buck up to get past them. The PTSD is real and not just me being whiny. It will never go away, but I will learn to manage it better. I do actually have somewhat severe agoraphobia, and it's not like in the books or movies. Posting here will make her so happy with me!

I won't talk about Kara's stuff because, you know, 17 now and not a baby, so it's up to her what gets out in the world, but she has stuff and the therapist is helping.

eta: I'm really not ignoring the horrible no good ankle breaking, I'm just shuddering in sympathy without words.

Yes, I have never broken anything, unless you count the bunion surgery where they broke me on purpose. I am the biggest baby ever with zero pain tolerance so I don't think I would do well at all. and I can't take any pain killers so that would add to the suck.

I don't think I could ever convince #1 to go to a therapist. I think knowing hundreds of doctors all his life and having handled countless thousands of medical charts he has a higher level of doctor mistrust than most. He's ridiculously smart and devours books so I have repeatedly tried to get him to research self directed solutions. It's a challenge. I can honestly say I don't stress over it, because that isn't my way. However, my sister and my friend who was at my side at my wedding both lost their sons in their 20s. They have both said to me that there is a damn fine line between being overprotective, enabling, and them being gone. All you really can do is trust your instincts and make the best choices you can.

On the positive side, he sucks at answering his messages, but says repeatedly that I need not hesitate to come over any time of day or night and has given me a key in case he is asleep. And anytime I do drop in unannounced he is thrilled to see me and introduces me to his friends and so forth. He knows if I don't hear from him he will see me walk in. That he smiles and hugs me when I do keeps me positive.