I'm putting this here now, at 2 a.m., to remind me of it later.

In order to change how I think about something, I need to think about it more deeply. In order to change how I feel about something, I need to do something, take action, with a mindfulness of how I feel.

I know how I felt about it in the past. I even know why I feel that way about it. But to get to a place where I feel differently about it, thinking isn't enough. One cannot think one's self out of or into a Feeling. I'm referring specifically to a fear or something that causes me anxiety. I need to do the thing that causes me fear or anxiety, but I need to do it mindfully. Mindful of how I felt in the past, how I actually feel now (which may be different), and mindful of the feeling that I genuinely would like to associate with this action or thing.

I know this is possible. This is how I got over my fear of heights. And spiders. Someday I will do this to get over my fear of water, but that day is not today.

Zen, this is excellent insight.

My day is bleh. I made something in the Instant Pot that was edible but burned on the bottom of thr liner. I also accidentally put my new 100% rayon shirt in the dryer. Didn't realize it shrank until i was almost at work. So i had to ce around and buy a nrw one. The ahirt is marked down again so I am going to try and replace it.

I also got gently reprimanded for helpin a customer when tvey should have called the number for online orders.

Thanks, WS. I'm still working on putting it into practice!

Sorry about the shirt, askye. Clothes shouldn't be so darn delicate.

60 degrees F today. ~15 C. So nice. Sat out on the "catio" with Leo for a while. He enjoys the outside, but I can't let him be out there alone lest he figure out how to escape the fence. When I see him thinking about it, I distract him!

Now I'm sharing my chicken sandwich with him and The Gray Cat. "Hm, 'mayonnaise' you say? Intriguing."

That does sound like a bleh day, askye. Sorry about the shirt.

Zen, I kind of miss hanging out with my cats outside. Basking in the morning sun in the desert was such a pleasant thing.

It's pouring down rain. Mom's cat desperately wants to go outside. I let him out. He realizes it's raining and runs inside. So far we've done this dance 4 times.

Work has been good. Yesterday and today I got really good feedback from customers. I am hoping they will do tbe online survey thing. I still suck at grtting credit card applications but I am more confident about what we sell so it's easier to help people.

And the other main person in shoes gave her notice so I pretty sure I will be kept on.

Talking to my therapist today I realized i have met the goals I wanted for myself: job I like, better control over finances, and a relationship.

askye, that's awesome! Congratulations on meeting your goals!

That makes me happy, askye.

Very nice to read that update, askye.

Things here are mixed so far in 2018.

My son Bobby invited us and Tate's parents to lunch and formally asked her dad "if it was okay with him if he married his daughter", which was a delight. Dad of course got choked up. The kids are so practical. They want either a beach or park wedding, and Bobby and his friend, whose parents own a Chinese restaurant, feel they have enough food prep experience to arrange a food prep party as opposed to a rehearsal dinner the day before. So a do it yourself wedding all round. So pleased and proud of them.

I am fairly successful in dieting, with a long ways to go. But low carb kind of rocks, as in I didn't have any issue having zero chips at the Mexican restaurant and my avocado salad was as satisfying as the cheese enchiladas I normally get. Being pescatarian an not doing carbs is pretty limiting, but the lack of hunger and interest in food helps a lot.

Now my eldest son, a setback again. He is on my couch. Formulating a plan. It ain't easy.