Good lord. My mom just had the appointment with her cardiologist to schedule the surgery. The whole reason the aneurysm was found is that she needs a valve replaced, so she had a CT scan. The cardiologist told her initially that since she's asymptomatic for the valve, she didn't need to have the valve replaced immediately. But then they found the aortic aneurysm, and that needs to be repaired soon, so they're going to go ahead and replace the valve at the same time.

But to do both procedures, they're going to crack her open, which never stops freaking me out. It freaked me out when my dad had quadruple bypass years and years ago and they cracked him open, and it's freaking me out now. That is not fucking around, man.

It'll be the first week of June, then she stays in the hospital for 5-7 days, then 12 weeks of recuperation. She is going to be SO BORED. She never sits still. She'd better get a Netflix subscription or something.

Steph, I can't reassure you about the cracking open thing. I can't even watch phlebotomists poke around for veins. Best I can offer is "hell yeah, you're freaked, me too." All I can do is sit in the freaked corner with you.

Hil - how frustrating about the wheelchair! I am glad that you were able to enjoy your day despite that setback.

Teppy - thank goodness they found that aneurysm!

Teppy - thank goodness they found that aneurysm!

That is definitely true! So much better to find it and repair it, because if it burst, odds of dying are above 50%. Surgery is better, even if it's major surgery and freaky as shit.

(I have taken Ativan and a walk and a shower -- not in that order -- and I'm much calmer.)

Yes, I'd find the idea of cracking someone open disturbing, too. Much surgery~ and recovery~ma to your mom, Steph.

My paternal grandmother died in a nursing home. She was the daughter of Finnish immigrants. She grew up on an Upper Peninsula farm, went to a "normal school" (basically, the 1910s version of a teaching college), and taught in MI and MN before marrying grandpa and having dad. And then, unusually for the time, went back to teaching in a one-room schoolhouse. I have the skiis she used to get there hanging on my living room wall. By all accounts she was a brilliant, vibrant woman who could hold her own in verbal debate or in hunting deer. She knew every tree, shrub, and plant in the UP and could tell you what each one was good for. She was Dad's biggest influence, and the reason he went to college and became a teacher.

My only memory of her is of a speechless old woman attempting to reach a fetal position in a wheel chair, drooling. Dementia took her from the family 10 years before she died. God, I wish I'd had a chance to know her.

Dementia is indeed cruel, and they are having progress. I have considered becoming involved in the research because that would mean better monitoring and prevention, and they really want and need volunteers. They are getting pretty good at detecting people inclined to have issues long before they have symptoms. And if I did have the genes then best to know sooner. From the Alz.org site -

If you are interested in participating in a current clinical trial, use Alzheimer's Association TrialMatch®, a free individualized service that matches volunteers with trials based on certain criteria, such as stage of disease, current treatments and location. A lack of volunteers for Alzheimer's clinical trials is one of the greatest obstacles slowing the progress of potential new treatments.

Calli, that's so sad. Sounds like she was amazing.

Laura, thanks for that info.

Lots of ~ma for your mom, Steph. Glad they caught it.

Vignette from life with my roommate, who is a social worker, but not mine:

Me: Okay, I just need to complain for a second, I'm not looking for solutions or anything - I think one of my ribs is dislocated, and it hurts and it's annoying.

Him: [several stupid questions] I know I always say this, but you should really try tai chi.

Him: [several stupid questions] I know I always say this, but you should really try tai chi.

May you should try Karate, or Krav Maga on his ass. ijs

My FIL's dementia was cruel to everyone in his life. It removed his filter and he enjoyed the power of getting angry and saying whatever he liked. Seeing the veneer of niceness slipping away was horrifying and all three of us girls loathed and feared his company so much we avoided him during holiday gatherings.

I did enjoy getting up to his face and ordering him to quit harassing Sue. I couldn't defend myself from his shit, but I didn't hesitate to protect her. Go me. No wonder he disliked me so much at the end.

Also I have a front row seat for a valve replacement surgery that will crack open the chest of an 80 year old woman - as soon as she completes laser knife therapy for the little "booger" of lung cancer discovered during surgery prep. I got involved in my neighbor's health care saga by virtue of not being scared of driving into San Francisco. Poor ME was at her wit's end not knowing how she would solve the transportation, and I am right across the street with the big safe van we bought specifically for safe travel over the San Mateo Bridge in any weather for visiting the in laws. I felt like a super hero because that one was so easy for me to solve.

I'm not so content with four more rides to SSF for laser therapy because I know the heart surgery event is pending, but I wouldn't leave her stranded for anything.

I wish she didn't have to worry about working as many hours as possible because her car is dying. If I could really be her Ride Fairy and get her a little beater that would get her to the laundromat I would be so happy. I would pay a year's rent for her in advance too. I'd like it if her only worry was getting bored.