Tim's dad had to go to a rehab facility (as in, skilled medical care, NOT drug rehab!) this week, which is stressful but turning out to be a blessing in disguise.

He's almost 80, so like a lot of men that age, he's supposed to take medication daily to make sure he can keep peeing. But he also doesn't have any other chronic health conditions that require meds, and he hates taking meds, and he has dementia, so he forgets (or "forgets", or a little of both) to take this important help-you-keep-peeing medication.

You can see where this is going.

He indeed stopped peeing, so SiL took him to the ER Wednesday, where they took care of the immediate issue, but then he has to have a catheter for at least a week. He can't go back home that way -- going home was an option, but he lives alone and wouldn't be able to deal with this by himself.

So he's in a rehab facility at least until the catheter is removed. But he's getting a full medical assessment, which is turning up some stuff that his primary care doctor has missed or ignored, like a big ol' hernia. (I don't blame the primary care doctor for missing that one -- Jack never mentioned any abdominal issues, and the only reason the hernia got noticed was noticed is because Tim helped his dad change his shirt Wednesday night, and Tim saw this GIANT bulge in his abdomen, yikes.)

So his health is a little worse than anyone thought, but being in the rehab facility means he's getting fully evaluated. He's also having PT and OT sessions, which are really helpful because he's a little wobbly on his feet and gets zero exercise. And he's getting healthier meals that he eats at home.

But the big question is what happens after the catheter is removed. Does he go home, or into assisted living? He REALLY wants to go home. Assisted living would be much better for him. Also safer. And so Tim and his brothers are really wrestling with what to do next. It's pretty stressful for them, because they want to respect their dad's wishes but they also recognize that living alone, in the condition that he's in, is not good for him, and is verging on dangerous.

I feel like there are only 2 options: (1) straight into assisted living, or (2) going back home for a period with a non-negotiable move-to-assisted living date, which would give Jack and all 3 sons time to tour some assisted living facilities and choose one, rather than just jump at whatever facility has an opening next week. But if he goes home, the other non-negotiable thing has to be WAY more home health care and other services (like meal delivery). He refused all that a year ago, but he clearly needs more care right now.

I think this will all work out in the end, but it was unexpected, so there's a lot of stress going on. Mostly for Tim and his brothers, but I'm trying to figure out what kind of support Tim needs, and that can be hard because he gets all stoic and non-communicative. So I just make food and then call my SiL, who totally understands the Beckmeyer non-communicativeness in the face of stress.

Getting old BLOWS, yo.

I'm working out of Parent Company's office in midtown today, and so far the best part is access to halal carts for lunch. Oh chicken and rice with mysterious white sauce, how I missed you.

Tep, I sympathize. My 90 year-old grandmother insists on living at home, mostly alone (she has a dog-walker and a housekeeper/cook who come in once a day, but she really needs a full time nurse to make sure she doesn't fall), and it's terrifying to all of us. (Maybe we should introduce them and work out some kind of Cincinnati seniors buddy system!)

It could be that your FIL will see how much better he functions after the short stint in rehab and be more open to other options.

(Maybe we should introduce them and work out some kind of Cincinnati seniors buddy system!)

I've said often, only half joking, that Tim's dad, my dad, and my stepdad's mother should all live together. It would be fantastic reality TV.

Good luck to all y'all, Tep. It does sound like the rehab stint is kind of a lucky break, I hope FiL can be persuaded to choose wisely.

It could be that your FIL will see how much better he functions after the short stint in rehab and be more open to other options.

I suspect that he might realize how much he loves the regular interaction with other people all day long and then decide it's time for assisted living. He's super gregarious and has been isolated in his house alone since Tim's mom died in 2010. (And by "isolated," I don't mean "lives by himself in a house in the suburbs with neighbors a stone's throw away" -- he lives kind of in the woods, with the closest neighbors 1/4 mile away. It's a recipe for disaster.) I think he's going to end up loving all the attention he gets in the rehab facility.

I hope so!

Man, you get 3 square meals that you don't need to cook yourself, lots of interaction with people, and optional interesting activities -- what's not to like?

(Maybe we should introduce them and work out some kind of Cincinnati seniors buddy system!)

I see a potential sitcom. Kind of a Golden Girls/Hot in Cleveland in assisted living.

I think he's going to end up loving all the attention he gets in the rehab facility.

This was a wonderful part of my Mom's many rehab visits. Not only were the staff incredible with the actual rehab, but they fussed over her and were wonderful on the human interaction front.