Kinda sounds like a weird translation of Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

Dude, have you ever noticed what cannabis does to your retinas? I mean, like, really noticed...

I'm looking at my retinas from inside my skull...

I kind of wish that Cannabis would ATTACK my eardrum- perhaps it would help!

I've worked for associations in the design and construction industry for the past, um, 30+ years. They always have competitions for projects. Once - once only in all those years - we had to change a project name. We couldn't imaging anyone announcing, with a straight face, that the winner's name included "The Leaping Orifice".

Ugh, Monday. I have a professor lecturing me in email because I won't buy the text book he wants. Dude, we don't buy text books, we never have. I don't care if it is your only recommendation this year, it is only that - a recommendation - and I have rejected it for good reason. The only reason you want me to buy it is because you think it is too much trouble for you to ask for a review copy. I've been here 10 years, I have numerous emails from you about this. Jeesh.

Tomorrow is the first day of the new job. Today is my last day off for ... well it feels like the next month while the position is still salaried (next month due to new federal overtime rules, it reverts to hourly) I will be doing stuff every day, training for supervisory stuff, direct care over and above the twenty hours a week I was already scheduled for because suddenly I have three positions to hire for (and oh, the training I need in order to do the tasks associated with that. Not to mention training in the new employees if/when they get hired... grr, argh) plus one person out on leave. Our two cross-trained subs who regularly work at other houses were very much not calling previous House Coordinator back when she tried to contact them about open shifts. There is some possibility that they might call me back because they actually know me. Maybe. I don't know. Today I am going to make one work-related call, and that will be to ask my Director if she needs me to haul my butt in first thing in the morning on Tuesday - Today being end of pay period, payroll needs to be done by 10am either tomorrow or Wednesday, I'm not sure. I have asked twice, and gotten vague, "don't worry about any of your new duties until Nov. 1" type answers. Knowing this Director, she is trying to help me not take up stress a moment sooner than I have to, but because of the completely unflappable demeanor I hold onto like a life preserver while doing direct care she has zero idea how I actually cope with stress.

Ugh, Sophia, I've had something like that. No fun.

three headed dog mummy unicorn rainbow butterfly. Named Karma

This needs its own comic book or cartoon.

Okay, the professor (whose feelings are so hurt!) says, "...go and enjoy the celebrations tonight. I will be leaving to go "water" my scarecrow." I have no idea what that means.

Sounds like a euphemism, Sparky. I've no idea for what.