Gud, I just want you to really understand that we all love you and value you, and that we want you to feel better in all ways.

Gud, others have already said this, but I am going to say it again: having Asperger's Syndrome does not make you defective. It does mean that you experience some things differently from how neurotypical people expeience them. It means that you may have challenges expressing yourself in ways that get through to neurotypical people who are unaware of your communcation style and strengths, or worse, neurotypical people who are aware but refuse to be flexible enough to accept your style and strengths. People on the Spectrum are no more defective for not being neurotypical than barrel-chested Strong Men are defective for not having perfect swimmers' physiques. You have a wealth of excellent qualities, a depth of character, and soaring love and kindness. What the answer for you with regard to freeing yourself of these feelings of worthlessness is, I don't know. But I do know that your wife treating you like a shitty person - that problem is hers, regardless whether she is a hard-hearted abuser or not, she is the origin of the shittiness. That shittiness is not inherent to you. It is outside of you. The sooner you find a way to protect yourself from taking on that shittiness, the better for both of you. This is not something you can fix for your wife.

tl;dr Gud, you are an excellent person, one who does much good for others. You deserve care. You deserve kindness. If you do not take care of yourself, you will not be able to take care of anyone else.

Gud, if a romantic partner treated one of your children the way your wife treats you, would you defend that partner as a good person, and your kid should just fo better, because they're "defective?"

You would not.

She's not good for you, she is not good for your kids. You're not misrepresenting her -- we have heard what she says and does and how fucking mean and selfish she is for over a decade.

She. Is. The. Problem.

Because. She. Abuses. You.

Constantly.

You all know my husband was in an abusive marriage. And I worked at 3 different domestic abuse shelters.

I am very comfortable saying, based on years of information from you, which you present pretty objectively, since she's got you trained to always take the blame for everything, that you are in an abusive relationship.

She is toxic AF, she is never going to treat you well, she does not want to change and you need to GTFO because she is killing you. If emotional abuse left physical wounds, she has broken every bone in your body twice, and told you to make her a fuckin' sandwich while you're still bleeding out.

She's got you convinced you deserve to feel shitty, and you don't. No one deserves this.

You don't deserve this.

She abused you. Constantly. For decades.

You just got out of the damned hospital. YOU SHOULD NOT BE GETTING HER BLOODY BREAKFAST.

I actually gasped when I read that you went to get her fucking breakfast. You are recovering from an infection severe enough that you needed to be in the hospital for IV antibiotics. She should be making you breakfast in bed. What the actual hell.

She is an abusive, narcissistic piece of shit. The best thing you could do is take the kids and leave. Or kick her out and change the locks.

So, in other news, my friend's sister posted on Facebook with a Browncoats hashtag, and I had forgotten she was one of those! Although my friend's daughter is named Zoe, so I shouldn't have. Anyway, I wonder if any of us ever crossed paths with her elsewhere online.

Gud, if I could, I'd stand up on your dining room table with a STRIKE sign. It's past time she recognizes how much she's expecting from you. And that you are breaking under the strain.

Ok, who has a suggestion for a strawberry dessert? Preferably gluten free but not necessarily. Last year I made a pavlova of sorts. Birthday girl requested strawberries. I'm having a hard time thinking of anything interesting beyond like strawberry shortcake

Strawberry fool? Trifle?

Gud, I hope you are reading and rereading the truths above. You deserve kindness and support. If any one of us was being treated the way you are you would call it abuse, because it is.

Strawberry ice cream sundaes.