I feel like I'm just a lousy person and people generally don't like me.

I feel like this too.

How can two such excellent people be so COMPLETELY FREAKING WRONG????

There are people who drag toddlers away from their parents professionally and go home apparently feeling great about themselves.

And then there are Gud and Nora, who actively work to make life better for those around them and feel bad about themselves.

This is topsy-turvy and needs to change.

Nora, I'm thrilled that you're taking steps to silence those lying voices and make your life better. Gud, I hope you will do the same, perhaps with some of the resources suggested upthread. You are both good people, made of stardust and enlivened by the breath of [insert deity of choice here, or alternatively, interesting aliens]. You have an intrinsic human value, magnified by the good you do everyday. I hope you'll soon be able to see yourselves the way we see you.

I have seen a therapist in the past. The first time it left me feeling much worse about myself.

Will you entertain the notion that this could have been a failing on the part of the therapist, and not your fault? Not everyone is good at their job.

This has been my headspace for way too long and tomorrow I'm calling to set up an appointment with a therapist, whose name I've had for more than a year now.

Go Nora! You 100% deserve not to feel like shit about yourself.

One of the guys onscreen in this conference call is wearing man-pris and no shoes.

He's in the office with no shoes? That's definitely worse than that time one of our Engineers was clonking around the office in Japanese geta.

Possibly he has shoes somewhere in the office? I don't know, man. France.

There's another dude sitting cross-legged on the floor in shorts, and they're kind of...pulling.

Maybe when I do get down and show it my wife is right to get angry or mock me.

I have to circle back to this, because, Gud, it's not just damaging to you when your wife abuses you, it's damaging to your children, who I know are the light of your life.

I grew up in a house like this. And my brother and I are both in therapy because of it. We are really damaged from it. We're also resilient, and healing because of the therapy, but still. We were severely damaged by it. I don't want to see that happen to your kids.

And by having that kind of abuse modeled for me as the "normal" way to treat a spouse, it has been the work of my LIFE to unlearn that. My instinct when I'm frustrated or tired or impatient or angry is to be shitty and snarky and sarcastic to Tim. Because that's all I had modeled for me.

But I *don't* do that. Never ever EVER. Because the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt my husband, and if I was shitty and snarky and angry with him, it would hurt him. Because that's what it's designed to do.

I've had to work SO fucking hard to unlearn that. But I did. Because I wanted to. Because it was important to me. Because my husband is the most important person in the world to me.

If I could unlearn that, your wife goddamn well could, too. It hasn't been an easy thing. I still struggle with it sometimes, though not nearly as much as I did 12 years ago. But I did fucking learn to NOT harm my spouse with my words.

You don't deserve this, and you did nothing to deserve it. That goes double for your kids, who are going to need help. Please start that by getting help for yourself.

And separately, Nora: you deserve to not feel lousy about yourself, and I'm glad you're going to call that therapist.

Well done, Tep. I know that's hard work and you keep doing it.

I feel like I'm just a lousy person and people generally don't like m

I mean, I also feel this way semi-frequently...it's why I'm on antidepressants.