Timelies all!

There's this big, bright thing in the sky. What could it be? :)

But I have to hide that because if she knew that, she'd end up feeling guilty about it and that isn't fair. She has a right to be angry when I screw up.

No No No No - no need to repeat what was said above, unless you didn't hear it. The number of times I have messed up royally is countless. The number of times my husband has become angry at me, yelled at me, or made me feel guilty about it, ZERO! That is not how you treat other humans. Period. She is wrong. Wrong with a side order of emotionally harmful. I am sorry, but as I tell others often, they can't walk over you if you don't lie down. I've also heard it said as, better that they walk away than walk over you. Both true.

Far as I can tell, she's good at being a counselor. I think I've just let her down so many times that she's run out of patience for me. I don't know. I feel bad giving such a bad impression of her here, but it's literally the only place I can talk about it. I suppose that's kind of selfish of me. I don't know.

Sorry, that was a crosspost with Laura.

From past experience, pushing back gets pretty explosive pretty fast. If things broke apart entirely then that makes it hard for me to be there for the kids and leaves her in a difficult financial situation. It doesn't feel like the right time to take the risk.

You are not being selfish. You are not the problem. Your wife is being abusive to you .

People who have experienced the same abuse are telling you that from their own experience.

I don't have that experience but I messed up yesterday at my boyfriend's . We were getting ready to play Xbox and I had a 20 is bottle of diet coke. I didn't relaize it had gotten shaken up so when I opened it diet coke went on me, the couch, the rug etc. I was embarrassed and mad at myself and you know what M did?

He helped me clean it up and when I started apologizing and berating myself for being clumsy and thoughtless he stopped me and said it was just an accident and he wasn't mad. He made sure my controller was ok and I was ok and we went on with things.

I know it must be hard to come here and want to vent and get support and bot get the support you want . But we are supporting you.

You are not selfish or a bad person.

You both need to go to an objective counselor. You aren't going to be any good for her or your kids if you keel over from the stress with a heart attack or stroke. I am not being hyperbolic here. Your physical as well as emotional health is at risk. I wish you would let her know the damage she is doing. And the last thing I want to do is add to your stress!! We care, Gud.

Also, if you and your kids don't get therapy now, your kids are going to be fucked-up adults. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it's true.

And the last thing I want to do is add to your stress!! We care, Gud.

This needs to be repeated over and over.

Never apologize for venting here. You aren't being selfish. You are using (what sounds like) the only outlet you have. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

And not just by your invisible friends in the box. You are a dedicated and consciencious man, who is human and makes mistakes, and often doesn't measure up to his own idea of what and how he should be. But impossible standards are impossible, no matter who sets them or expects them to be met.

We're all deserving of respect and kindness--you provide that every day for your family. Please don't rob them of the opportunities to provide that for you, too. Your family dynamic needs professional help. Please provide that for all of you, as part of being respectful of their--and your--needs, and kindness for all of you.

Gud, don't mean to pile on, but we are doing it because we care. I don't think that I am alone in seeing a smart, kind, thoughtful man who wants the best for his family, but is too willing to take on the blame for any bad thing that happens.

As a counselor, your wife should recognize the value of counseling, even if she thinks that she doesn't need it. Even if she refuses to be helped, it will do you and your kids good.