Ugh. I forgot to hook up the host from the rail barrel to the pond and made the pond miss out on a bunch of rain, so now my wife is pretty angry with good cause. I really wish I could stop making mistakes. After she yells at me I always end up feeling really depressed and it's hard to get work done. But I have to hide that because if she knew that, she'd end up feeling guilty about it and that isn't fair. She has a right to be angry when I screw up. The problem is that I screw up a lot. Ugh. I think it's just going to be a bad day.

She has a right to be angry when I screw up.

That is fucking BULLSHIT. You are being complicit in her abuse of you.

Every human being screws up. I screw up. I make mistakes, I drop things, I break things. You know what my husband DOESN'T do? Get angry at me. Because that's fucking abusive.

I dropped a full gallon of milk once -- a plastic jug -- and the container split along its seam vertically and there was a flood of milk on the kitchen floor. I "screwed up" and wasted a full gallon of milk. You know what Tim did? Grabbed paper towels and helped me mop it up. You know what I did? I physically tensed up and braced myself because I expected him to yell and rage at me for making a mess and wasting food, because that kind of reaction is what my mother did to me my entire childhood. Because she was abusive.

Tim didn't do that. Because you don't get angry and abuse your spouse when they are human and make mistakes. You roll with it. You act with understanding and compassion. If you happen to get annoyed or irritated, you own that shit and DON'T take it out on them because that's fucking abusive bullshit.

What Teppy said, Gud. Also?

A consistent lack of perception of and empathy with another person's difficulty and emotional pain doesn't bode well for a career in "counseling." IJS.

A consistent lack of perception of and empathy with another person's difficulty and emotional pain doesn't bode well for a career in "counseling." IJS.

Yeah, I'm 100% UNsurprised that her attempt at being a counselor isn't going well. If my therapist berated and abused me for being human, I would have stopped seeing her after the first session.

So glad to know there is a counselor out there to avoid at all costs. I bet she smells like a bad temper and patients are afraid of her despite whatever veneer of professionalism she is able to manifest temporarily.

Perhaps someday someone will punch her in the face. She will be able to blame others.

Timelies all!

There's this big, bright thing in the sky. What could it be? :)

But I have to hide that because if she knew that, she'd end up feeling guilty about it and that isn't fair. She has a right to be angry when I screw up.

No No No No - no need to repeat what was said above, unless you didn't hear it. The number of times I have messed up royally is countless. The number of times my husband has become angry at me, yelled at me, or made me feel guilty about it, ZERO! That is not how you treat other humans. Period. She is wrong. Wrong with a side order of emotionally harmful. I am sorry, but as I tell others often, they can't walk over you if you don't lie down. I've also heard it said as, better that they walk away than walk over you. Both true.

Far as I can tell, she's good at being a counselor. I think I've just let her down so many times that she's run out of patience for me. I don't know. I feel bad giving such a bad impression of her here, but it's literally the only place I can talk about it. I suppose that's kind of selfish of me. I don't know.

Sorry, that was a crosspost with Laura.

From past experience, pushing back gets pretty explosive pretty fast. If things broke apart entirely then that makes it hard for me to be there for the kids and leaves her in a difficult financial situation. It doesn't feel like the right time to take the risk.

You are not being selfish. You are not the problem. Your wife is being abusive to you .

People who have experienced the same abuse are telling you that from their own experience.

I don't have that experience but I messed up yesterday at my boyfriend's . We were getting ready to play Xbox and I had a 20 is bottle of diet coke. I didn't relaize it had gotten shaken up so when I opened it diet coke went on me, the couch, the rug etc. I was embarrassed and mad at myself and you know what M did?

He helped me clean it up and when I started apologizing and berating myself for being clumsy and thoughtless he stopped me and said it was just an accident and he wasn't mad. He made sure my controller was ok and I was ok and we went on with things.

I know it must be hard to come here and want to vent and get support and bot get the support you want . But we are supporting you.

You are not selfish or a bad person.