It's so, so much easier to be a Martha, to channel all that frustration and desperate desire to *do something* into...doing something for someone you love. Even while it saps your energy and demands extra effort, you feel...useful, and purposeful. If anything you're doing will help, you'll do even more.
It's harder to sit, out of reach, far away, and unable to actually *do* anything to help. No hand-holding, no bringing cold drinks or sponging of face and neck and wrists, no bad jokes and bed-changing and "just one bite, please." No wrestling with insurance and logistics and dailiness. It's so much harder to not be able to *do.*
Beverly, yes, so much! And yet also so much harder to be the Martha if you're alone at it, and don't have someone close at hand to be your own Martha.
They'll be flying my mom out at some point after they're past the first couple of weeks of active treatment and they know what they need, and then the first and second-hand caretaking can be a little more evenly distributed.
When my mom was so sick, I was 800 miles away. My sister did almost all the caretaking, and I felt horrible about it. All I could do was talk to her, and research stuff. We talked every day, sometimes twice. I drove down to spend a long weekend whenever I could. It never felt like I was doing enough, even though it wasn't possible for me to do more without quitting my job. Which would've been stupid and we both knew it. I still feel guilty though. Sometimes the world just gets in the way.
Many, many ~mas to Strix and JZ.
Oh JZ, that is so hard. Much love and ma to you.
My plan for the day included going to the office for a while and also getting to my band thing for sometime between two and three. Since I'm still home, I'm not sure how that's all going to work out. If I can motivate right now, at least I could do an hour+ at the office, which is better than nothing, I guess?
But I do not want to motivate right now! Or go to the office! Pfui.
Jesse, so far I haven't manage to motivate my ass out of bed ( so comfy!) so I can't help. But good luck!
But it's so much earlier where you are!
I think I can do it. At least I can get to the office and see how things go.
Update: Dad is stable right now.
And I honestly don't know how to feel about this.
You don't have to know, Strix.
In much lighter news, here is a lesson I have learned today: Don't fret before you have the whole story. I saw an email Friday from someone looking for updates on work I haven't done for him, but I didn't read the whole thing. Guess what? Two of the three are in motion, AND he's out next week, so I can definitely get the third done by then! Phew.
