{{Jesse}} That sucks. May it pass quickly.

My BIL is staying home due to tooth awfulness, but otherwise all are coming. I've organized my to do list sequentially. Took drugs for my back and am watching the parade until they kick in. Savannah's gloves are nice.

Gratitude in abundance for Buffistas.

I wonder if my mild dislike of Thanksgiving is in part because my father died the Sunday before it in 1969? I've never connected that before....

No doubt, Theodosia. My mom didn't celebrate until after her kids went to school because her gram that raised her died on Thanksgiving. Part of my reasoning for not commemorating death anniversaries.

The kids have arrived to help cook. I better shower!

I LOVE YOU ALL AND THIS PLACE!

4&1/2 house and the street, 2 hrs and 3 huge bags of leaves. Need to eat something & shower & get dressed. And get gas.

Theo, I wouldn't be surprised. Years ago we were having a huge Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family, 20+ people. This was our normal annual gathering. My aunt and uncle had divorce years before that, but he always joined for a time before heading back to his new wife and her family.

Well, we had dinner, I had given him a new set of Santa Claus business cards (he absolutely looked like Santa all year around). He left our celebration, got to his wife's, and basically keeled over with a heart attack and died later that day. That was our last big celebration. Partially because the family started moving in different directions but also it was emotionally too difficult.

All that being said, now it is a time to remember him and how much he loved his family and love delighting kids who asked if he was Santa.

Timelies all!

Going to my MIL's for Thanksgiving, as usual. Bringing an apple pie.(store bought, because it had to be kosher parve.)

That makes sense, Theodosia.

Jesse, much health~ma to you.

I've finished the sweet potatoes, Waldorf salad, and apple tart. The pumpkin tart is in the oven. I have a dining space set up, the crystal washed, and all the serving dishes that I hardly ever use washed and ready. People aren't arriving until around 5:30, so there's no point in putting the hens in the oven until 4 (they take about 1.5 hours), and the dressing cooks with it. And the asparagus is only a 15 minute thing. Once the last tart's out of the oven I guess I can grab a shower and enjoy the dog show on NBC.

I'm running so late. Mac just got in the shower. Turkey Breast will take 1.5 hours and we have to get over to parents yet. we should be leaving in 15 min and he never takes less than half an hour. grr.

Hi, all.

I know I don't post here much anymore, but rather stick mostly to FB & Twitter, but I am having A Week, and I can't really post this on SM and also I can't really talk to anyone else today, but I just really need a virtual hug.

Dan woke up sick this morning, and my mom and sister are recovering from nasty colds, so Thanksgiving is cancelled. And my dad had a sinus infection yesterday, but we had a call from the nursing home that he was taken to the ER at 7am because he spiked a 104 degree fever.

It would be truly a blessing for my father to pass. But when he does, mom loses his insurance and social sec, and she's on several exspensive meds. So dad's blessing will beggar my mom.

And I cancelled a breakfast with my (supppsed) BFF a couple of weeks ago, and discovered as a result that -- you know how when you have anxiety and you worry that people are judging you all the time, but you're supposed to realize that most people really arent?

Apparently,I just need more "discipline" to get out in the world more. I am just a lazy person who is wasting my life. The "only thing I'm good at is reading & addiction." And "being lazy is just another addiction."

Her last words were she "cares for me deeply" -- she texted me this message and then without a word or explanation, 5 minutes after its delivery, blocked me.

Guys, I have been sober for almost 2 years. I have patiently and humbly worked on repairing my relationships and most everyone has gradually come back into my life and told me how very well I'm doing. I have struggled so, so hard with my depression and anxiety and insomnia without using meds. I am engaged again. I have socialized more in the last six months than in the preceding 3 years. My house, while not immaculae by any stretch, is reasonably tidy again. I stopped biting my nails. I brush my hair every day.

I can feel again. I sing around the house. I've finally started to feel happiness again and while I'm working on making more progress, I am incredibly proud of what may appear to others tiny normal things.

I feel incredibly guilty, though, for not bringing in any money. Even now, the thought of committing to a task for money literally makes my palms sweat and my body flash hot and cold, and my stomach churn.

The person I thought I could trust most in the world with my vulnerabities, aside from D, has truly been silently judging them and apparently I am still the worst sack of shit in the world.

I am so very, very devastated. And angry. She was so cruel. And I am always the person she called for support when she cried or was anxious or needed support or advice. She's always been very sensitive and I have always, even when we've had little spats over the last 23 years, been incredibly gentle with her, even when I was angry with her, because she's easily hurt.

I have a few very deep friendships and of of my few good qualities is that I am loyal. I love hard when I love.

And I am just so shocked (this really came out of nowhere and the supposed catslyst was something so incredibly petty) and terribly hurt and also angry.

And I don't want to cause friend group drama, so the only person who knows about this is D. And he, the mildest mannered guy in the world, read the message and was shocked and surprised, so it's not just me.

So this has been a really awful week anyway, and now...Daddy and Thanksgiving is cancelled.

I'm sorry, truly, for dropping in with my problems today of all days, but I desperately needed to vent to safe people.

She tore my burgeoning self-confidence to shreds. I just shared the "highlights."

(I am sick even thinking of pressing post. I am 75% convinced you will all secretly be thinking "Well, Strix *is* a lazy sack of shit." So...well. Here goes nothing. I HAVE to try to believe that I am not.)

I am really truly sorry about being so negative. But I have been churning with obsessive anxiety for days, and this morning was the last crap cherry on the poop sundae. I had to talk to someone besides my poor sick D.