I feel like I'm coming unhinged. I am just seething with rage.

Yeah. I'm only coping by starting some grassroots radical community organizing with fandom. And figuring out how to save money so I can donate more to strategic charities.

Is it weird that that is a stronger motivation for me to whip my budget into shape than just reducing my own debt? Counterintuitive.

Is it weird that that is a stronger motivation for me to whip my budget into shape than just reducing my own debt?

I think it's not that weird from a human psych perspective. I motivate more for an appointment with someone than for an appointment with myself.

I've been with students pretty much constantly since the election, including being in Indianapolis with them currently for a journalism convention. And one of my students is from a Trump family. So not only do I have to keep it together and put on a happy, hopeful face, I also can't show my utter despair and disgust about Trump himself. I thought I was doing okay until tonight. The students are at a talent show and I'm off for the night, and I find myself lying on my hotel bed and fighting off a panic attack. I'm not okay.

Is it weird that that is a stronger motivation for me to whip my budget into shape than just reducing my own debt? Counterintuitive.

Not at all--it's getting involved in a larger cause instead of just doing one of those things you know you should do because it's Good For You. "Do this for the cause" appeals to my inner warrior/vampire slayer/etc. "Do this because it's Good For you" makes my inner three-year-old dig in her heels and say, "Don't wanna."

ION, I decided to make chicken with 40 cloves of garlic tonight. I'd forgotten what a simple recipe it is, really. Get 3-4 heads of garlic. Peel them. Which is boring and fiddly, but a good time to listen to music or a podcast. Brown chicken pieces (that you've salted and peppered generously) in olive oil. Pour yet more olive oil over the chicken, throw in the garlic, throw a bunch of sprigs of thyme on top, cover the pan, and roast at 350F for 90 minutes. And an hour and a half from now, I'll have tender chicken and a bunch of sweet, buttery garlic to spread on bread.

I'm finally watching The Daily Show live coverage of the election. This may lead to crying in my glass of Sauvignon Blanc.

I'm finally watching The Daily Show live coverage of the election. This may lead to crying in my glass of Sauvignon Blanc.

I erased it. I just can't deal with it. Maybe if it was Jon Stewart.

I am inspired by the youth and children y'all know being distraught by this election. I hope they hold on to that. Mac hasn't expressed that he even knows the election happened, much less any concern. I cry each night thinking of what the next 4 years might devolve into for him (and my brother, and my parents, and so many of my friends) and he doesn't know or care to know, which makes me weep in a different way.

Tonight I had a volunteer commitment at church and I have another one in the morning. I feel very conflicted being there and I really think this is the end for me and church.

So I finally went in for the test drive of the Elantra and it turns out they sold it yesterday and didn't tell me. I was less than pleased. The salesman (who was a different person than the one I had been communicating with) was extremely apologetic and showed me a 2015 SE they had. Still CPO, but a year older and with almost 30k more miles on it but only 1K less than the 2016 I was interested in. I did actually like it, but it wasn't the car I was looking at and not nearly as good of a deal. I told him I'd let him know.

I have the test drive of the Accord tomorrow. Hopefully that will go smoother.