Anti-nicotine~ma, Amy!

Wow, that sounds like quite the nightmare, Matt! I had one that was just me watching a wound pulse in some anonymous person's skin. Pretty sure it wasn't me, but still. Very quiet. Very disturbing.

Health ~ma to Matt's dad and lisah's uncle!

Meara and Dana, I hope you both feel better soon.

I had a quarterly checkin with one of my managers yesterday. He was very encouraging and happy about the quality of my work. So naturally my first (and second and third and . . . ) reaction was to wonder when he'd stumble upon my true incompetence. There was a seminar on imposter syndrome available last week. Perhaps I should have attended.

Despite having gone to bed at 9 last night, I was still super-grumpy when my alarm woke me up at 6:45.

Calli, shush your imposter syndrome. You're doing great. Your manager just told you so.

Calli, shush your imposter syndrome. You're doing great. Your manager just told you so.

Yeah, that!!

I am currently in the valley of the competence-confidence chart thingy [link] which is legit after six months in a job, but feels like crap.

No school for ltc today, but she still woke up at school time. Usually we have to drag her out of the crib on school days.

'*\\o/* Amy!!!!!

Wild meara ahead...

there's a lot of performative grief

I'm thankful I didn't have to go through this with my mom. She didn't want a service of any kind, we had just moved to Colorado, so we had a small circle of friends here anyway, and due to the lack of a service, family didn't travel here.

But, we are at the start of this for Kelly's fiancé. His father was just diagnosed with small cell carcinoma in his liver and brain and given an estimate of about 4 weeks to live. Cory (fiancé) has a rough relationship with his dad, apparently, he is a major jerk and the two of them haven't' been close for years. But his daughter H hasn't seen that side of her grandpa and Cory feels he needs to take H out to Arizona to visit and say their goodbyes. Additionally, Cory wants Kelly to go with them (she can't take the time off). Kelly has only met the man once and it was an extremely awkward meeting. It is 90% performance art and feelings of obligation, more than going to give love and support to a loved one. And we aren't even to a service yet.

So I start work tomorrow.

Which should be today (thanks to me being behind here). I hope it is a great day!

Uncle got through surgery ok. He's fragile but stable.

Good news. May his recovery be as smooth as possible.

Suspect maybe I forgot my meds yesterday.

Do you have one of those weekly med organizers? I would be SO lost without mine and I can easily see when I have missed taking my meds.

Like, I feel as though if I move my eyes, or my head, my brain/vestibular system is a beat behind? It's weird.

I'm glad today is better, but ugh, that sounds like a very weird feeling.

The lurkers were supporting me in email last night when the depression was getting too black for comfort

Oh Amy, I hope you have found some light.

I made noises about quitting smoking previously…I am going to seriously undertake this in the next few months

Tons of strength~ma to you. I know you have a bunch of other stress in your life, so if you need to lean on us, we are here. I was never a smoker, but I'm happy to chat anytime you need a distraction from the desire to light up.

Scotsman. Ha!!!

Ok, that got a true giggle out of me this morning.

There was a seminar on imposter syndrome available last week.

This was at your work? Good on them for recognizing the feeling and trying to help employees deal with it.

This was at your work? Good on them for recognizing the feeling and trying to help employees deal with it.

Yep. They're pretty good employers on a lot of levels.

That sounds like a tough situation, Suzi. I hope K finds an OK way through it with her new family.

As always, loves everyone in this bar room.

::slings arm sloppily around Amy's shoulders and nods vigorously ::