Because nothing says "working together to stop the mayhem" like "I don't want to be around anyone who isn't like me and I really dislike that entire genre of people". Not like we've never heard anything like that before.

{{{{{Kalshane & family}}}}}}

Hi Spidra, welcome back.

David, not all mid-westerners are evil. I'm only a little evil. And my white-middle-aged brother was a big Hillary supporter.

Good luck, smonster.

I'm still trying to grasp the implications and some are too scary to think about.

But I guess my immediate thing is when the ACA is repealed does that mean everyone loses insurance right away...or is it an unknown thing. I'm trying not to panic but I need to figure this out and I don't know what to do...apply,don't bother

I've got sob uncontrollably xcovered.

I'm cool with rage, and at most every white person getting a major hate side eye today. It's going to take a few days before I crawl out of the Slough of Despond.

Be it rational or not, I feel the same pain and disbelief that I have when someone close to me has died.

I am just not ready to think positively yet.

It took me forever to fall asleep this morning. I have not taken an Ambien or Xanax, or anything remotely similar for over 11 months, but yesterday and today, I am grindingly, achingly jealous of anyone who can safely find temporary pharmaceutical oblivion.

I ate my feelings last night with my BFF, and had to resort to putting on a classical music ambient video to get my brain to calm down. They were pretty goddamn weak substitutes to combat election brain.

And one of the first things I did, after brushing my teeth, and making tea, was to block my great-aunt who was laughing at one of my "This is actively awful and painful" posts this morning. I'd unfollowed her a while ago, but it was all I could to to just block her, and rain down a perfect storm of Fuck You And The Racist Horse You Rode In On.

I've been trying to reblog helpful things on Tumblr, and reassure the kids who follow me that there will be adults who stand with them. And I've been trying to focus on work, because I'm swamped as usual.

But ... Jesus. I'm still numb. I think I'll hit horrified and angry this weekend.

White men doubly so. I see people like me - white men in their fifties+ - with suits and ties and they are just coded in my lizard brain as "The Enemy."

Yeah I had a brief moment of that. But I'm in California, the land of didn't vote for That Man. So I let it go. Then I realized the other danger. So my school is super progressive with a social justice mission. We've spent all day talking to our mostly immigrant, lots of illegal student population and it's been emotionally exhausting. Kids are afraid of deportation or my bangledeshi kids are afraid of being beaten up. One of my sikh students stopped wearing a turban this year to keep himself safe. Students talked about leaving El Salvador or Honduras because it wasn't safe and now they don't feel safe here.

One of the other schools on my campus has a walkout and our students talked about joining them or not and had lots of productive discussions. And the very small number of trump supporting kids were feeling, I think, shut down.

But the most difficult thing for me personally today was when K told me that she was walking to get something from the car and a bunch of kids (from one of the other schools on our site) threw trash at her and called her racist for being white.

I just can't.

I fail to find fault in seeking out communities in which you feel safe. Especially in a sea of humanity that has shown indifference at best to both your safety and humanity. Communities can be safe harbor and give you backup when you choose to go out and try to engage that indifferent sea.

I have good friends, and at least 2 cousins, for whom key provision of the ACA could be life or death. Preexisting conditions with hefty treatment cost (for life) means insurance would be unfindable, and cost unsustainable to an individual.

I left my office early so I could go for a walk in the park while there's still sunlight, since it will be fully dark after I finish with my last meeting of the day.

I'm cycling through being livid and heartbroken and numb and being afraid for others more than myself. I donated to Planned Parenthood today and I'm going to continue donating and getting a corporate match for food banks and civil liberties and climate change orgs. I need to figure out what else I can do.

First, though, a walk.