I slept until 3. After a day of mostly doing nothing I think it is time to accept to completely staying in bed for a full day every week or two is just how I am dealing with low level depression. The effort of doing what is needed every other day, occasionally going above the bare minimum, and then the fact that I rarely look forward to anything in my life just builds until there is a day I can tell myself I do not need to get up and I don't. If I allowed myself to do it more than one day I am sure I would shame spiral. And this is not full depression because if it was, I would not be able to get up, none of this pushing myself through it nonsense that simply does not work with clinical depression.

There's my navel gazing for the day. I am going to check showtimes and take myself to finally see Wonder Woman today even though mac won't go with me.

tickets purchased. Movie in a hour and I will have dinner during so two things done.

That sounds like a reasonable thing to accept, msbelle. And seeing Wonder Woman is an excellent thing to do!

Sorry, msbelle. I feel like I can only really pay attention to about 30% of what's happening at any given time. Any more, and I'd just want to lock myself in my room and not come out. And my life, apart from the occasional back surgery, is pretty free from actual responsibility.

No need to apologize Dana.

Thank god my life is actually pretty easy right now. Mac is fairly self-reliant (not actually traveling and he will still not cook real food, but he can be left alone).

I'll continue to make small changes and see how I can make myself happier. Right? I mean it's on me to figure it out and not expect it to be outside forces that change my mood/outlook. That's the only way it will last.

I totally hear ya msbelle. I've been in that space. Hope things start looking up.

That sounds like where I was when I remembered my NP had advised me to start with one dose of Prozac for a week or two and up it to two, and I had never done that last part. So now I have and it seems to be helping.

I have a tag in the app I use to track my sleep for Stressful Day. I found myself thinking, as I clicked that tag yet again "they're all stressful days, Brent" which I eventually recognized as something I should maybe do something about. I tell this story mostly because I want to tell it to people that will get the reference and this seems like a good opportunity. And to suggest that maybe assuming that if you are able to power through most of the time it isn't clinical depression might not be completely correct.

BTW, the new Dyson is pretty great. I'm really liking it so far and I've vacuumed up a top of crap now. It would be nice if the cannister held a bit more, but it's so easy to empty out that it isn't too annoying. I had also had let some places go too long without vacuuming so normally I don't think the cannister size would be a big deal.

My next vac might be a dyson ( not disown, thanks autocorrect) but the eureka bagless pet is holding up well. I empty it after I do my big clean every 2 weeks. It's disgusting, but satisfying. I like seeing results. I have a little Hoover linx rechargeable beater stick that is surprisingly good at carpets for keeping the fur at bay this time of year ( like when Pumpkin engages in an extended writhing session on the carpet right.after. I.finished .vacuuming with the big one and had taken it upstairs.)

Powerwashing, vacuuming. Clearly I like immediate visible results.