Totally, T. I will totally reveal myself to my santee, but I'm just waiting till the end.

I know the de-lurking thread is in October, but I was thinking of you all today. I'm currently pregnant but miscarrying. It is sad but I'm okay. I feel pretty strongly that this being/life/whatever you call it was sent to send me a fairly specific message about courage and standing up for myself and being brave but not actually meant to grow into a baby. It looks sort of weird as I type it but my point is, I'm okay.

But I've been thinking a lot about you guys because it was my almost identical miscarriage (happened at the same time of year and in almost the same exact way) thirteen years ago that brought me to the board. I was angry post-miscarriage and Buffy kicked ass and I was looking for more of that.

I've thought a lot about ita this year, and more recently Ginger, and how much you all have meant to me over the years. I'm doing well. Ellie is 10, Frisco is almost 8. He was recently diagnosed with mild autism/Aspergers. It's helped a lot with understanding him. Sammy is almost 4 and is a joy.

I bought a house with my parents earlier this year. It's not perfect but we all like living together. I'm dating a guy who I love very much. Also not perfect, but I'm learning that it can be not perfect and yet still good. The pregnancy was unplanned and kind of threw us for a loop but overall, I love having him in my life. We've been dating 8 months tomorrow but its seems like more and we have been through a lot.

My law firm is growing. We have a total of 5 employees now and my brother is my office manager. Sometimes I am a little tired of doing the same thing but there's always a client or two that reminds me of why I love my job.

Anyway, with everything going on, I've been thinking about the board a lot. I think I"m too busy to post regularly, or even lurk, but I do miss and love you all.

I love you, Stephanie. It's good to see you around here any time; you and your dude seem marvelously happy from what I can see on the facebook, and I hope this loss will be eased by having lots of love around you.

It's good to see you around Stephanie. I'm so glad you're surrounded by people who love you right now.

It's so good to see you here, Stephanie! I'm sorry to hear about the miscarriage but glad that you are okay, and all the other good stuff you have going on.

I can't believe your kids ages!

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, Stephanie, but so glad to see you here! And it's wonderful to hear about all of the other good and exciting things that are going on with you. I love that you have so much love and family around you. I can't believe that it's been 10 years since I held Ellie right after she was born!

Wrapping up 2015: To start with the obvious, ita. And just a few days before ita, I lost another online friend in a sadly similar way. It was a crap beginning to the year. Bookending the year with losing Ginger is a sharp hot stab in the gut and I REALLY DON'T WANT A SECOND ONE TO CLOSE BOTH SETS OF PARENTHESES OKAY.

At the beginning of this year, I had a job that I thought I should've loved but was burning me out hard. I got fired from there (and my ONLY lasting regret was that I didn't recognize the burnout before it got bad enough to affect client work). I pulled away hard from a tech community that went way beyond just that job in order to recover.

I found a job I love much more, where I learn a lot all the time, where I can step into leadership (holy shit why do they listen to me??), where I genuinely love the people, but it just barely touches at the edges the network I built and collaborated with for the last umpty years. Stepping away from 5 or 6 years of work ties is like 3 whole careers in tech-dog years. On the plus side, making that move got me back into the textile love. This place is one of the few places that still remembers the *last* time I was into absurd and extravagant sewing projects, even if I haven't fit into that corset in years, and that's something I love about here.

I turned 45, got out of credit card debt, bought a new and not remotely base-level car. I still don't know how to adult.

I'm currently stressing like whoa about the holidays, because this is the year we go to the racist uncle-in-law's place for the uncomfortable family gathering that everyone kinda hates but doesn't ever, ever say it. Because white people in the midwest.

I wish you all love, glitter, and gingham. Which I'm tempted to try to weave but I don't have enough pink and white yarn right now.

Good to see you, Stephanie. I was thinking about you the other day.

Oh, Stephanie, I'm so sorry. I'm glad for all the good stuff, though!

Amych, good for you on the career shift. And I feel you on the white people in the midwest holidays. I got through mine this year and only had to leave the room twice because of racist jokes! Yay! And once for a false alarm, but honestly, it was getting to my people limit anyway, so probably for the best.

It's good to see you, Stephanie, and to hear about so many big things happening in your life. I'm sorry about the miscarriage, though it sounds like you've made your peace with it, and it's really good to know that you have so much love and support in your life. I have loved seeing pictures of you and your boyfriend on FB, and am glad that you're feeling good and happy about him.

amych, I'm so happy for you that you started working at [redacted]! It seems like a great fit for you, and I'm glad that it's been treating you well.