Aw, Gud, that's tough. You totally aren't failing, even though it feels that way.

Are people in other countries as coy as we are about salaries?

As a public servant, my salary is posted in the statement of public accounts. Here it's any salary over $30K, but in some provinces, it's only salaries over $100 K.

Ask a Manager taught me that it is not illegal to share salaries with coworkers, and in fact it is illegal to have a policy against it!

However, in practice, everyone here thinks it is illegal (or immoral) and we don't even know salary ranges. If you call HR or Payroll, they can't share and tell you to ask your manager. My "manager" doesn't have access either, and our school accounting says that they are not allowed to share. It is really bizarre-- I am not sure what knowing the potential range you could make would do-- or the potential range of a job you might apply for!

It may be illegal, but it's a firing offense in my company.

Per Ask a Manager- it being a firing offense is in fact illegal. Unless that's what you are saying.

Yeah glassdoor.com can be helpful in figuring salary ranges for a company but only if people are willing to disclose. I always go to enter info and then chicken out because my job is so niche it would be easy to tell exactly what my salary is. On top of the other issues, I think Americans are definitely brought up to think talking about money is crass. Is that true? (That it's our culture - I'm perfectly content to be corrected if it's not the case.)

Sharing salary information is a firing offense. Utah is also a right to work state, so a lot of employment laws are overlooked.

It's always been highly verboten wherever I've worked to share pay data. I wonder if they actually know they can't forbid it. My company is generally very reasonable about employment practices, but I think a question about other people's pay would get the same reaction as if I asked about sexual orientation.

And you're not alone. You've got a bunch of friends and a bunch of us know what it feels like to feel that way. We're always here for you.

Thanks.

Is there anyone there you can talk to? A therapist, a helpful friend? You sound like you could use someone to talk to.

I can't think of anyone to talk to. I'll get through. It's just really hard right now.

Gud, I totally feel you. You can only do so much. One thing at a time. If any of he house things can be started or done by your kids, ask them to help. Otherwise things can wait. Triage and give yourself credit for doing what you can.

Gud, that sounds like a lot to do. Best of luck.

It would be useful to know salary range, but most people would probably then expect to be in at least the top half of it, so...I was interested to find my ex coworker say that her new job is paying a bit more--our company is generally known for good salaries but terrible work environment. It's dumb, too, because there are several things they could do that I would totally trade some salary for (starting with a newer lighter laptop!!!)

I'm so sorry you're struggling, Gud.

Speaking for myself, I HATE knowing anything about anyone's salary. I absolutely do not want to know what my peers make, what my stakeholders make etc. No good can come of that.

[With the caveat that I don't have any reason to suspect, and what I do know does not indicate any kind of systematic imbalance, which is the most compelling reason to have visibility for salary info.]

I do know what my direct reports make, of course, and only recently have I been able to know what the range is for those roles, because I'm hiring for same/similar positions. So I know I have a person who is wildly overpaid, and another wildly underpaid. Which really has to do with when they came on and who hired them, but it drives me bonkers and it's not something I can do much to fix.