I'm trying really hard to not be tone deaf, and I feel like I'm failing.

Oh, BLM is Black Lives Matter, not Bureau of Land Management.

I'm working on something for the Bureau of Land Management right now, and I have to be super careful when I'm multi-tasking.

What kind of watercolords, Toddson? I got some fancy pencils, but am not in love with them. I also recently got an app on my ipad where I can take a picture of the coloring book page, and then paint on top of that, which is kinda neat.

Fist bump to you, amyth. Just talked to my boss, and she hears my frustrations (and is also disappointed) and said they're trying to at least get a contractor to help, if not someone already with the company, but I know that'll take a few weeks to get going even once they actually GET someone, so...ugh.

Maria, I can think of lots of ways "allies" can be unhelpful, though the way she put it is kinda awful sounding. Certainly when "allies" end up making it all about themselves, that could make you go "not helpful, please remember you need to be a SMALL role, and not talking over folks or taking over or focusing on your own stuff", but...:(

To clarify, my friend is white. This is what she was reading from the group. I get that allies can be unhelpful, but the awful way it was put doesn't make anyone any more sympathetic to the cause.

I'm glad they're trying to help you out in whatever way they can meara. I wish the work stress would disappear for all of us.

I haven't worked in watercolors since I was a kid. I like the ideas of pencils because there's so little fuss.

Healing~ma for your mom, DC.

My mom was just telling me about an exhibit she saw recently that included watercolours that look sharp and clear like photographs (painted in the 19th - early 20th century, I believe). I can't even picture that.

The watercolors were ... well, the little cakes in compartments in a metal container. I had one that was the watercolor equivaent of the 64 color crayon box - lots of non-standard colors - so I could get some lovely combinations.

And, off topic, news from Australia (news in that it's something that won't try to kill you ... probably).

I'm about to start screaming at people in my office. The guy who sits next to me has started an office fantasy football thing. So for the past FOUR DAYS it's been all football, all day, all at full volume. The woman who sits on the other side of him yells - her normal tone of voice - usually with her mouth full of food. Between the constant distraction - and yesterday my boss was standing at my desk trying to talk to me and I COULDN'T HEAR HIM TALKING - and the fact that I don't like football to start with, I am ready to start screaming.

And the local BLM groups are becoming more vocal in my area. One of my good friends is the director of communications for a community action group. She just texted me that they've blocked a few white allies because they "don't understand the narrow prescribed role for whites in this movement... we don't need anyone but strong black people." I'm trying really hard to understand how this is going to make anything better. I cannot fathom what their lives are as POC, and I can only try to support them in whatever way they need support, but I'm struggling with this. I understand they're angry, but how is alienating people who want to help helpful?

I think there is a level of frustration with both white allies wanting, often subconsciously, to walk in and take over, and also with white fragility, that you have to read in to these interactions. Similarly to how women are often tasked with both doing their own part and to be emotional caretakers of men in discussions of sexism.

White people, even the most well meaning and genuine allies, are frequently just not that good at letting someone else take center stage. (Hell, look at that language I just used - letting. Maybe better to say "not that good at recognizing that someone not them belongs center stage".) So well-meaning ally becomes something that actually drains some energy and requires tending and feeding and why?

There are resources out there with recommendations for how white people can be allies in a way that doesn't take roles or energy from the people actually impacted. Or that can be even more effective - is a white face at a BLM demonstration more or less effective than a white person learning to recognize when and how to push back on their families and (mostly white) communities when they see racist or otherwise problematic behaviors?

More political than I like to get here, but bottom line, I think as people who want to be genuine allies, we need to be okay with being made uncomfortable and with not being a priority once in a while, and find our own channels.

ETA: I was heartbroken when at about age 18 or 19 I had a chance to meet Betty Shabazz and got smacked down for turning the conversation to what white people could do to help. It took me a long time to really get what she meant, and absorb it.

Timelies all!

Typing one handed because of baby.

Health~ma to your mom, DC.