I was thinking of the story about how the TSA has failed a ridiculous percentage (like 80%?) of the gun-in-luggage tests recently.

Nobody quibbled about my CPAP machine. Maybe they all recognized what it was.

I was truly embarrassed when I had a grapefruit knife in my purse when going to the courthouse once. Totally forgot it was in there. When he asked if I had a knife in my purse I was shocked. When I emptied it out and we saw the culprit he laughed and didn't even make me leave it with them.

Aw. DH lost a couple of swiss army knives that way. The second time it was because he had flown to his destination on a private jet and didn't go through security but coming back he flew commercial and didn't remember to change how he was packed.

The funniest case I've had was when we were coming home from Houston after seeing the LoTR exhibit, where we had bought a Shards of Narsil tchotchke and they made us open the sealed box, take out the tiny broken sword, and mail it to our house.

So, remember when I couldn't decide how to arrange my flatware in my picnic placemat? I'm adding a spork to the mix and now I really don't know what's closest to correct. I'm going with knife leftmost, soup spoon and tea spoon in the next little pocket, and fork and spork in the rightmost.

Huh, my spellcheck recognizes leftmost but not spork or placemat.

A couple of years ago, I got busted for having cookie butter from Trader Joe's.

I was thinking of the story about how the TSA has failed a ridiculous percentage (like 80%?) of the gun-in-luggage tests recently.

Oh yeah! Clearly I will never know how many of the people in front of me actually did have guns with them! (I'm going to guess not that many, flying out of Boston.)

I was that asshole one time, though. Not the asshole with a gun, the asshole with a non-removable metal belt buckle. It was attached to my shorts! They patted me down and it was fine, but I should have thought of it in advance!

Can you get TSA Precheck status if you don't have a passport?

Yes. You can't get Global Entry though. It's $85 for five years. GE is $100, so if you're planning on getting a passport, get that first and then apply for GE. It also gives you Precheck. It's been a game-changer for me.

You don't even want to know what I see when traveling. It's nuts.

My father had his pocket knife taken from him on Sept. 8, 2001, while going through security in Italy. It had previously never been a problem. He asked why, and the Carabinieri said heightened threat status. He's still not sure whether it was coincidence or not.

Yes. You can't get Global Entry though. It's $85 for five years. GE is $100, so if you're planning on getting a passport, get that first and then apply for GE. It also gives you Precheck. It's been a game-changer for me.

GE works as Precheck for domestic flights, right? Because I know I should get Precheck, and it may be simpler to just get GE.

TSA is generally amused by me. I know all the regulations, I don't fuss when they tell me that they have to pat down the petticoats, and I've actually helped train new people on appropriate pat-down routine.

I got yelled at on my last flight for not taking the laptop out of its (cloth) case. The flight one week before that, I took it out and they told me I didn't need to and I just held up the line. I hate inconsistent shit like that.