I've been away for a bit, so let me add my congratulations to Dana and DH! Yay!

I'm sorry about the bad day, Zen

I just got lazy for a little too long, so I am listing to get my mojo back:

gym
breakfast
load of laundry
get coffee going for the week (brew and cold brew to fridge for daily iced coffee)
wash dishes
vacuum backroom
get busted up piece of furniture out of backroom
clean area where furniture was
dust backroom ceiling fans
partially dust backroom ceiling beam ledges
put clothes out to dry
finish dusting
address 3 things to mail
figure out plan for backroom furniture
lunch
fill 2 bags of things to toss in some way
set up sewing
do some sewing
steam dress for tomorrow
look for a birthday card in stash
menu plan for next week
cook something using something from pantry

To rule out depression as the source of those symptoms, one thing you can do is mention the ones that have been present throughout your lifespan, even when depression was not present.

Excellent advice, Andi, thanks. But I can't even remember a time in my life when I wasn't depressed. I don't want to come off to a doctor like, "ADD! ASD! Anxiety! Depression! PTSD! I read WebMD and omg I have everything!!1" I doubt I do, I'd just like an accurate diagnosis.

It's tough to find the line between advocating for yourself and pushing in a way that doctors push back. Leading off with "I can't remember a time when I wasn't struggling with depression, and it makes me wonder if there is more to it than that," might be a productive way to start the conversation. When I was first diagnosed with ADD, I took in a completed self-evaluation form from Sari Solden's book on women with ADD. This checklist was based on her work [link] .

I think we have Sari Solden's "Journeys Through ADDulthood."

Zen, there was something on Tumblr about language to use for a chronic illness to get doctors to take you seriously, and I believe the magic phrase was something like "It's affecting my ability to work/concentrate/enjoy my life/interact with my family", or whatever.

Did I mention I'd stopped taking the topamax because of brain fog and vertigo and peripheral neuropathy in my feet? Well, I did.

Was the topomax supposed to help depression? I didn't know they were using it for that! I used to be on it for migraines, and hated the fog. Though liked the not-eating-constantly effect. I hear they're prescribing for weight loss these days which...seems not worth it.

The drama was mostly that I love both of my two friends and think they are awesome but I am starting to think they are not awesome together (mainly just when drunk, but still). Which is sad, but sadder if they break up and don't want to hang out together anymore! Am hoping they can stay friends but...especially unlikely if they fuck it up and get hateful while drunk. :(

Today my plan is to fix my hair, make some cookies, go to Sephora (and possibly Sally's, if hair-fixing needs), and chill.

Today I got to pet the new litter of alley kittens (about 3 weeks old) and just ran into an old HS friend at lunch. We commiserated about the noisy motorcycles screaming LOOK AT ME!!! outside.

Matt, the momma cat let you pet them? That's cool!

Andi and Dana, thanks, I'm writing all that down so I can hopefully remember it when I finally go see the hypothetical shrink. It's sad that I have to find ways to emotionally manipulate a doctor just in order to be taken seriously.

I have Women With ADD around here somewhere, don't remember who wrote it. I was halfway through it, and I told my sister about it, she refused to listen, and I let myself get so discouraged I never went back and finished the book. I need to find it and read it all the way through. I put too much stock in what my sister says, sometimes.

Was the topomax supposed to help depression? I didn't know they were using it for that! I used to be on it for migraines, and hated the fog. Though liked the not-eating-constantly effect. I hear they're prescribing for weight loss these days which...seems not worth it.

It was prescribed to me for weight loss, by a doctor I'm no longer seeing. I'm not sorry I tried it, I did lose about ten pounds, but more importantly, one day I woke up and I wasn't depressed. The "voices" in my head were silent, no more negative self-talk for the fist time in my life. It was amazing. Unfortunately, it took a much higher dose than I was comfortable with staying on long-term - topamax can cause glaucoma, and I got a retinal tear, which fixed itself but I don't want to risk it again. Topamax also seems to have caused peripheral neuropathy, which it's supposed to cure...idk, but since I stopped it, the tingling and burning in my feet and lower legs has slowly gone away.

I don't know how much I should tell the new shrink about my experience with topamax. The more I talk about how my body feels, the more doctors seem to think I'm neurotic. I don't understand, isn't paying attention to your body a good thing? It's not like I freak out at every twinge.

Bleah, root canals. I'm all blah and low-energy today. I have great cooking plans (peanut butter-chocolate chip cookies and a batch of lentils), but really all I want to do is crash.