I'm so glad I finally asked for the divorce. It wasn't a partnership anymore. It has been almost 9 years since we split, 7 since the divorce was final. I haven't had another relationship since then, but I've had so much fun rediscovering ME.

There have been a variety of things that have come up over the last 9 years that have reinforced that it was the right decision for me.

Divorce is so hard. Sometimes you just aren't right for each other.

And now I feel like a jackass for my "marriage is enjoyable work!" manifesto posted right after you saying your relationship is rocky, because I know it's the opposite of enjoyable for you. I'm so sorry to hear that.

Not a problem at all.

This is all making me miss Hubby, but in a good way. He was infuriating and stubborn and brilliant and I consciously decided to ignore things that probably should have been addressed, but dammit, we were good together. He told anyone who would listen that he was proud of me, and the quickest way for me to go after someone was for that someone to dis him.

You had a good one, Connie.

I want to hug all of you, except the ones who don't like to be hugged. To you, I shall blow kisses.

I wish I would have had this knowledge and self-confidence before, but then I wouldn't be who I am now.

{{{Connie}}}

Divorce is so hard. Sometimes you just aren't right for each other.

It is. As is breaking up when you didn't marry. It is really hard to admit defeat and failure, and this is often what it feels like. Taking a good look at a relationship (personal or career) and seeing that it is not making you a better person, or is preventing you from becoming a better person isn't easy.

In the decades that followed my divorce each time I felt bad about the failure I had to remind myself that we were not good for each other. I'll never know if we could have "worked" harder and made it succeed, but I don't believe he would have changed, and I had, and it was for the better.

It still feels like work. Adults do not agree on everything, and when it is important things like raising children or health or even finances it is often seriously hard work to respect the other's opinion and work through solutions that work for both. DH and I have the extra fun of running a business together too! It is worth the effort, but there is effort at times.

Relationships are not reserved for the elites who have their shit together (hint: they don't exist). Relationships are all about being with someone who adores your flavor of wacky. It's not about measuring up to another person's idea of what a partner should be

Feel this should be repeated. Again and again.

Hugs to all who have loved and lost in either divorce or death. It just plain sucks.

My sister lost her husband in an accident when they were in the midst of a particularly bad spell. It wasn't a healthy relationship, and most of the family quietly believes it would have ended in divorce had he lived. But he didn't, so she gets to have those unfun what if questions hanging over her head. That was 30 years ago and she never dated even once after he died.

It was a rough morning, and I'm trying to be productive though I'm feeling so down and stressed that I've become physically ill. Ugh.

Sorry for being a bit of downer today. It's just, well, there's nobody else I can tell.