Smart drug dealers know not to call bad attention to themselves. Al Capone made sure the kids in his neighborhood got milk to drink.

Man, I'm depressed. Let's mock the guy who wrote this ridiculous profile of Margot Robbie:

She is tall but only with the help of certain shoes.

Indeed. I am purple, but only with the help of certain makeup.

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I've only called the police once, and I was a little hesitant about it, but I didn't know what else to do. It was at my old apartment, and I was coming home around midnight, and there was a woman just about passed out next to my house. I tried talking to her, but she was way too drunk to be coherent, and it was something like -6 degrees. The police and an ambulance came, and I don't know what happened after that. I checked the local papers for the police blotter, but they didn't mention it.

Even the drug dealers in my neighborhood seem fairly benign: one of them has been bringing my garbage bins in for me every week for two years. And for a while he was sweeping my driveway, too.

I want your drug dealer!

But it's a bit like the universe going "Ha-ha, all that stuff you were freaked out about? Never mind! Psych!"

Oh yeah, I'm not saying you shouldn't snap! I'm just saying, moving is the worst.

Jesse, how often do you have to talk to immigration? I mean, also sad that of course you aren't as nervous but...does she mean like, at the airport? That's the only time I can think of where I'd even interact with them!

Yeah, the airport is what we were talking about. She was saying she's always nervous, and could see where I wouldn't be, regardless of what country either of us was in!

Even the drug dealers in my neighborhood seem fairly benign: one of them has been bringing my garbage bins in for me every week for two years. And for a while he was sweeping my driveway, too.

Yeah, a smart and nice drug dealer is not the worst neighbor to have. They don't want any trouble.

Indeed. I am purple, but only with the help of certain makeup.

And I bet you are thinking something different from what I am thinking at this very moment!!!

Microsoft addressed a group of its interns as "bae" and invited them to a party with "hella noms" and "lots of dranks." And then closed it with "HELL YES TO GETTING LIT ON A MONDAY NIGHT."

Oh, Microsoft, no.

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I could use everyone crossing their fingers that my dentist can see me tomorrow (the office is closed today). My jaw has been getting more and more sore after getting the temporary crowns last week. I think the bite just needs to be adjusted, because I'm not having sensitivity to cold or heat, and doesn't hurt when I bite.

But they're only open from 8 to 1 tomorrow, and also we're leaving for vacation. So I'm leaving a message today and hoping they can get me in tomorrow to check my bite. Cross your fingers!

It's never pretty when a large company tries to be cool.

I am starting to dread airport security. Mac was pulled aside by armed German officers as we exited the plane en route to Rome this spring and asked for ID which I had and had walked ahead with. Then this weekend when coming back to TX from IN, TSA asks me while I was in line if I was on vacation (asks no one else anything), then asked Mac his age and both names while they had his passport. Again did not hear them ask anyone ahead of us anything. And of course he was the only person of color, because of course.

ION, I might actually throw up. I am nauseated, but forced myself to eat, because stress should not make me forget to eat, but God things are awful.