The attorney told us that assisted living facilities offer respite care, where Tim's dad would go stay there for a week or 2 to give all the boys a break. And she said a lot of times respite care turns into moving in to the facility.

Of course, I can't see Tim's dad being happy with going to a facility for respite care, because he doesn't want to go anywhere at all, ever.

Yeah, that's interesting -- if it works, it works. There's a guy at the nursing home who I've heard telling his mother she's about to go home any day now for a year, so.

Today was a day that might as well have just not happened, but it involved a lot of work to get back where we started (which isn't good to begin with.)

And my brother is in the ER with probable kidney stones, annoying the staff with his humor. SIL. Posted fb pictures of him pretending to have a viagra side effect. He'll either get treated super fast or super slow...

re: parents. Learned tonight that brother's mother-in-law is possibly progressing faster re: dementia than they had thought. ugh. it is all hard.

it is all hard.

Pretty much my motto for this fucking year. (When Facebook shows me those "On This Day" posts, so many of them have comments from Ginger, and you guys, it's like a punch every time.) (This fucking year really needs to deliver big time on some goddamn sparkly joy really damn soon.) (I say that with my 45th birthday an hour away and -- I have to be honest -- I don't give one goddamn about it. That's never happened. This fucking year, I swear.)

Oh, twitter. No, I do not want to follow Scott Baio.

I'm feeling very removed from the things happening in the news. I'm having trouble working meals into my work schedule, much less keeping up with the news. I keep stealing glances at FB links in a valiant attempt though.

My dad may be dealing with putting his younger brother into assisted living soon. He doesn't have dementia, but has been in the hospital for two weeks with complications from congestive heart failure and diabetes. His organs were starting to fail when he was admitted. He's lost 50 lbs in water weight since then. My dad says he doesn't seem to realize how fragile his health is right now.

msbelle, I'd guessed mac's high dudgeon was from hoping for a golden ticket out, sorry it proved true. At least he got a walk?

I worry about dementia with my dad; he already started from a pretty absentminded place. And he's stubborn as fuck. Mom, she's starting to have memory issues, but she's fully aware of them and has put it out there. It naturally freaks her the fuck out, but there's no inclination to try to disguise it. She finds sometimes she can't remember where a place, like a restaurant, is, but if she just lets go of the panic, she can get there. Like muscle memory or something. But she's thinking of getting a gps device to help assuage the panic. And program in things like home in case she totally freaks out and needs help from someone else. She's totally proactive.

The attorney told us that some assisted living places have memory...programs, I guess? I'm not sure how to describe it. Specific therapy/treatment for patients with memory issues. Though she said that the problem is that there are no actual standards set at this point for such programs, so it's hard to say whether they'd be helpful.

The attorney told us that some assisted living places have memory...programs, I guess? I'm not sure how to describe it. Specific therapy/treatment for patients with memory issues. Though she said that the problem is that there are no actual standards set at this point for such programs, so it's hard to say whether they'd be helpful.

Yup. My dad's in memory care, which means, so far as I can tell: the floor is locked, so he can't get out (although he got out on Friday and went out for a burger and a cup of coffee, so it's clearly not foolproof); they have staff trained to deal with the demented; staff provide daily living support like showers and dressing and so forth; they have daily activities programs for the demented like visiting musicians, movies, etc.

It's not exactly what I would have hoped for, but it's better than it could have been. Dad is pretty high-functioning, and as a result he finds many of the activities kind of dull/simple. And he dislikes the restrictions, although since he's a nice guy, he doesn't make too much of a fuss.

I do recommend the Alzheimer's Reading Room for anyone with demented family: [link]

There's a lot of good, supportive information there.

And I'm really glad you folks went to see a lawyer, Steph. That's enormously helpful, despite the hassle factor.

I'm just crossing my fingers about my parents. Dad's memory has been about a step above anterograde amnesia since his brain surgery decades ago, but other than that all is well with his mental functioning. I don't know of anyone in his family ever suffering from dementia—except for Grandma they haven't tended to live to advanced ages and now he's on the verge of catching up to her. We're kind of in unexplored territory with him.

Mom's family has a strong history of living to extreme old age and remaining active and of sound mind right up to the end. They may be physically frail the last couple of decades, but most of them keep running like the Energizer Bunny.