Yeah, but you're an amateur fry cook and I come from a long line of fry cooks that don't live past 25.

Buffy ,'Showtime'


Natter 74: Ready or Not  

Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, butt kicking, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.


DavidS - Jun 15, 2016 6:01:35 pm PDT #23163 of 30003
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."

I'm going to my college reunion (in Ohio) next week and excited to see fireflies again.


Tom Scola - Jun 15, 2016 6:02:04 pm PDT #23164 of 30003
Remember that the frontier of the Rebellion is everywhere. And even the smallest act of insurrection pushes our lines forward.

Uhm. Really bad day today.

So. Therapy this morning, Yet again, it's me trying to come to terms with the abuse I went through growing up, and not making much progress. I've always dealt with the pain of rejection and loneliness by withdrawing. It's just so hard for me to open up about it with anyone, including my therapist.

So then, I get into work. I keep hearing chatter going on in all the cubes around me, and then I piece together what happened: a coworker suddenly dropped dead yesterday. 50 years old (a few months older than me), a triathlete. Nobody knows why, lots of speculation. The thing is, I only learn the news by listening in on the conversations going on around me. There has been no official announcement, and none of my colleagues showed any interest in including me in their conversations. My supervisor was in the next cube over talking with some of my colleagues, but just didn't bother to call me over.

The thing is, if someone had come up to me and said that so-and-so had died, I wouldn't be sure who they were talking about. I've been at this job for several years, but I'm really, really bad with names, and it's incredibly difficult for me to put names to faces. Even though I was in a meeting with this guy the day before. So I'm thinking maybe they're right in assuming that I probably don't care.

So after work, I go to get a drink. I really need a drink. A bartender I know has a shift at a bar near me on Wednesdays. I get there, and notice that she is visibly shaken up. Yesterday, she had left her phone behind at one of her other gigs. Today, she recovered her phone, and there were a whole bunch of messages from her Dad. Her Dad went to the doctor yesterday, and then the doctor immediately called an ambulance and sent him to the ER with some kind of serious heart issue. She was freaking out, and was waiting for someone to come in and fill in the rest of her shift. I tried to be as supportive as I could, but really wasn't a whole lot.

So then, after drinking, I walked around for a while and took photographs. Which is how I deal with things nowadays.


Connie Neil - Jun 15, 2016 6:05:13 pm PDT #23165 of 30003
brillig

Life sucks sometimes, Tom. But you take beautiful pictures. Are you selling prints yet?


Steph L. - Jun 15, 2016 6:14:33 pm PDT #23166 of 30003
this mess was yours / now your mess is mine

Tom, that's a lot of serious shit on top of both the ongoing work you're doing (which might feel like a slog to you, but you keep doing it, and that counts*) AND, Jesus Christ, the whole world going to hell.

And here's what I think about coping mechanisms: they exist for a reason -- to get us through the shit that we cannot fucking cope with. I'm on record as saying that even poor coping mechanisms are sometimes the only thing that saves your damn life, because as bad as the coping mechanisms are (like my brother's alcoholism), the shit you're dealing with (or, I guess, NOT) is so much worse.

Which is not a statement on your life, or my brother's, or mine. It's just...a statement. You take pictures, you get a drink, you withdraw when you have to. You know what? It's what you need to do right now.

*(I'm not trying to be a cheerleader about you going to therapy, because therapy can suck. It can be hard and boring and ridiculous and feel pointless. But I think that as long as you keep going, even when the progress feels glacial, it's an overall good. And you are SO worth it.)

(And -- ignore this if it's not what you need to hear right now, but sometimes I, personally, just need to hear this: fuck your family, man. Seriously. Damn.) (Bastion of mental health, c'est moi.) (But really. My brother gets random texts in the middle of the night from me and all they say is "Fuck our mother's narcissism." Someone has to say it.)


sarameg - Jun 15, 2016 6:28:07 pm PDT #23167 of 30003

Tom, you are a beloved, and whatever gets you through to the next day.

3 hours of cleaning, and I skipped the rooms that were closed off and don't really have bad dust. In comparison, normally doing all the floors takes a little over 2 hrs. Over 6 water changes.

I think my cats are in recovery. They both slept a lot today at Anna's and were quite subdued tonight. First couple of days of new digs! Confusion! Chaos! Wore them out. Like me, they like their routines, and boy, have those been fucked.

Now I gotta inventory my paint supplies and debate color changes and make a piece of trim and recaulk my tub (this came to light. 7 years not a bad run for a first time job.) Look's like I'll be painting the ceiling this weekend at the very least.


shrift - Jun 15, 2016 6:33:09 pm PDT #23168 of 30003
"You can't put a price on the joy of not giving a shit." -Zenkitty

Tom, reading through your post made me sad that you had such a shitty day, but it sounds like you're recognizing that some of your coping mechanisms, like withdrawing, may not be doing you favors now. You needed them then to survive and maybe you still need them now, but you can identify that this may be causing you problems. That's pretty fucking insightful, man.


shrift - Jun 15, 2016 6:38:48 pm PDT #23169 of 30003
"You can't put a price on the joy of not giving a shit." -Zenkitty

Also, hi! I've been in a mindfulness meditation retreat all day. I talked to strangers about my feelings. I had to stare into a stranger dude's eyes. I went to lunch with strangers and had stimulating conversation. I had homework to practice mindful eating, so I sat down and focused on this yuzu mousse I picked up and it was delicious.

I did not die in an agony of embarrassment, although I am delighted to be at home in silence now. Maybe this is too much personal growth for one day.


Steph L. - Jun 15, 2016 6:52:54 pm PDT #23170 of 30003
this mess was yours / now your mess is mine

but you can identify that this may be causing you problems. That's pretty fucking insightful, man.

Shrift's advice is better than mine because of her mindful meditation. I just got ragey all day about stupid authors, man. And that dog in Detroit.


dcp - Jun 15, 2016 7:03:48 pm PDT #23171 of 30003
The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know.

I am delighted to be at home in silence now.

So much this. Even though I had far less interaction with other people today than did Tom or shrift.

In other news, reports of shenanigans in Saturn's F ring: [link]


Consuela - Jun 15, 2016 7:09:27 pm PDT #23172 of 30003
We are Buffistas. This isn't our first apocalypse. -- Pix

My town, man. What a fucking mess. [link]

The cops who are supposed to be protecting kids on the street? Yeah, no -- they're abusing them too. Let's be straight: this girl was raped by a series of cops. And when she told the wife of the Chief of Police, nothing happened. Fucking hell.

Tom, I'm sorry you had a hard day, but you took some pictures, which is creative and that's a good way of beating back the black dog.

Me, I'm out of jury duty (they sent us home today because one of the parties is ill and they have to continue later), and I made Mexican chocolate brownies and the dog looked at me like her goofball self: [link]