Life sucks sometimes, Tom. But you take beautiful pictures. Are you selling prints yet?

Tom, that's a lot of serious shit on top of both the ongoing work you're doing (which might feel like a slog to you, but you keep doing it, and that counts*) AND, Jesus Christ, the whole world going to hell.

And here's what I think about coping mechanisms: they exist for a reason -- to get us through the shit that we cannot fucking cope with. I'm on record as saying that even poor coping mechanisms are sometimes the only thing that saves your damn life, because as bad as the coping mechanisms are (like my brother's alcoholism), the shit you're dealing with (or, I guess, NOT) is so much worse.

Which is not a statement on your life, or my brother's, or mine. It's just...a statement. You take pictures, you get a drink, you withdraw when you have to. You know what? It's what you need to do right now.

*(I'm not trying to be a cheerleader about you going to therapy, because therapy can suck. It can be hard and boring and ridiculous and feel pointless. But I think that as long as you keep going, even when the progress feels glacial, it's an overall good. And you are SO worth it.)

(And -- ignore this if it's not what you need to hear right now, but sometimes I, personally, just need to hear this: fuck your family, man. Seriously. Damn.) (Bastion of mental health, c'est moi.) (But really. My brother gets random texts in the middle of the night from me and all they say is "Fuck our mother's narcissism." Someone has to say it.)

Tom, you are a beloved, and whatever gets you through to the next day.

3 hours of cleaning, and I skipped the rooms that were closed off and don't really have bad dust. In comparison, normally doing all the floors takes a little over 2 hrs. Over 6 water changes.

I think my cats are in recovery. They both slept a lot today at Anna's and were quite subdued tonight. First couple of days of new digs! Confusion! Chaos! Wore them out. Like me, they like their routines, and boy, have those been fucked.

Now I gotta inventory my paint supplies and debate color changes and make a piece of trim and recaulk my tub (this came to light. 7 years not a bad run for a first time job.) Look's like I'll be painting the ceiling this weekend at the very least.

Tom, reading through your post made me sad that you had such a shitty day, but it sounds like you're recognizing that some of your coping mechanisms, like withdrawing, may not be doing you favors now. You needed them then to survive and maybe you still need them now, but you can identify that this may be causing you problems. That's pretty fucking insightful, man.

Also, hi! I've been in a mindfulness meditation retreat all day. I talked to strangers about my feelings. I had to stare into a stranger dude's eyes. I went to lunch with strangers and had stimulating conversation. I had homework to practice mindful eating, so I sat down and focused on this yuzu mousse I picked up and it was delicious.

I did not die in an agony of embarrassment, although I am delighted to be at home in silence now. Maybe this is too much personal growth for one day.

but you can identify that this may be causing you problems. That's pretty fucking insightful, man.

Shrift's advice is better than mine because of her mindful meditation. I just got ragey all day about stupid authors, man. And that dog in Detroit.

I am delighted to be at home in silence now.

So much this. Even though I had far less interaction with other people today than did Tom or shrift.

In other news, reports of shenanigans in Saturn's F ring: [link]

My town, man. What a fucking mess. [link]

The cops who are supposed to be protecting kids on the street? Yeah, no -- they're abusing them too. Let's be straight: this girl was raped by a series of cops. And when she told the wife of the Chief of Police, nothing happened. Fucking hell.

Tom, I'm sorry you had a hard day, but you took some pictures, which is creative and that's a good way of beating back the black dog.

Me, I'm out of jury duty (they sent us home today because one of the parties is ill and they have to continue later), and I made Mexican chocolate brownies and the dog looked at me like her goofball self: [link]

Oh, Tom. I'm sorry it was such a bad day.

I'm sorry Tom, that's a lot of awful to have to process. And I'll note that workplace death is weirdly fraught so if you can, try not to let other people's weird coping mechanisms get to you. Just as a personal example, I know when my friend passed away in December it was just... awful. And I'm sure I was not acting like myself, and now I hope no one took it as a reflection on them.

Thanks for the kudos, I am proud of Franny. Also note the bath bomb was a success, so now I will be buying the ingredients to make more of them. And who knows? Maybe we'll even make soap