Gud, if you aren't already doing so, please seek therapy.
Gud, I said this before, and I really mean it: your kids see how you react to things and how you berate yourself and beat yourself up for minor mistakes (or things that aren't mistakes at all, like choosing to watch a movie with L.). You are one of their primary models for how to be in the world, and they are going to learn from you that any mistake, no matter how minor, is the end of the world and that they are horrible people for being less than perfect.
You may be extremely careful about not setting impossible standards FOR them, but as they see how you live your life, they are learning from that. They are learning from you that mistakes are unacceptable and make them horrible giant failures.
THIS IS WRONG. It's wrong for them to learn, but just as important, it's SO very wrong for you to live your life that way.
If you don't think therapy is worth it for yourself, will you consider it for the effect that it could have on your kids? They need a father who models equanimity and a balanced life AND someone who shows them that mistakes happen but it's okay that they happen.
They deserve a happy dad, and a dad who shows them how to be happy even when things are less than perfect (which is, spoiler alert, 100% of the time).
There is. It's called menopause. Can't turn it back on, but it does turn off.
So you say. It's just a tease afaict.
Totally a vampire!!
Tragic barbecue fork accident.
Tragic barbecue fork accident.
Oh, sure, if you want to live in the REAL WORLD.
Congrats to Sheryl and family!
And Gud, please be kind with yourself. Time with your kids is time well spent.
I'm not sure why you feel watching the movie was a mistake but it wasn't.
Therapy can help with this. If I said the things I say to myself to other people...as frequently as I say them to myself... I'd be labelled as emotionally abusive. But it's to myself.
And it's cruel horrible things. There's a part of me that can take the tiniest thing and turn it into a cudgel to beat myself down.
For example I moved to a twisty windy mountain road. I was scared of driving up and down it. I worked on coping skills and I finally got to the point where I could go up or down with no second thought - at night! In the Rain!
I was like "this is great, it's a small step and I had so much anxiety over it but I did this. I can build on this for other things." And then The Voice chimed in, full of contempt and distaste and bile, "You drove down a mountain. Like that's anything to be proud of. People do it all the time. Older than you, younger. And you think this is anything to be proud of? Only a lazy selfish bitch could be proud of nothing." (or something like that but it's pretty close).
If that had been a person in my car I would have slammed the brakes and tossed them out. But it wasn't. It was me. So I went to therapy (I was heading there anyway). I do solo therapy and group therapy. It's the closest I can get to tossing that abusive voice out of my life.
To sum up - be kind to yourself. You aren't the only one who struggles with this.
