I'm at a loss for any other way to describe what she helped build for us.

Actually, I think you describe it really well here, without using the word "family":

She was part of our daily lives for many years and she will continue to be a part of our lives. ita was She meant so much to so many people. People who feel honored to have known her and be able to call her a friend

Allyson and Burrell, hand off duties to the people who volunteered. Speaking from previous experience in this sort of situation, there are good people who can help, who want to help, and want to make sure you're coping as ... not well, but as adequately as you're able to.

THERE IS NO BLAME OR SHAME ABOUT NOT COPING. There really, really isn't.

Dana, insent. Assistance please.

THERE IS NO BLAME OR SHAME ABOUT NOT COPING. There really, really isn't.

I've been on both sides, there really isn't. People who helped me get through a day or week or month were my most cherished thing. Because I could. And getting through an hour or day or whatever felt impossible without them some days.

Obit is, for the most part, written, with the help of Kat and Ginger along with Allyson and myself. But thank you to everyone for being so supportive and making suggestions. Other writings can percolate for now, and I'm sure we as a group will put together a piece or several pieces that speak to our love for her.

I have thoughts about the family thing, the main one being that, for me, there's no way that my grief could compare to her family's. Every loss creates it's own ache, but from what I've seen the loss of a child must be almost unbearable. But as for our use of the term "family" to describe ita, well, that's more complicated. I felt like my sister's friends in many ways got to see and share the best parts of her, and so had a clearer and more satisfying grief than I did as her actual family, because she pushed us away. But I felt no anger or resentment towards her friends who described her as family; they meant it. I lost a sister, but they lost a friend, a confidant, a nurturer, a guide, a hostess, a gourmand, an expert.

Which I guess boils down to saying there's more than one kind of family, and respecting their loss is what's key, not what we call ours.

I wonder if the word neighborhood can sufficiently convey our community here. Where I grew up, you treated your neighbors like family because they were the ones who were there when your blood family were across town or across the country, helping you hold on until your family could get there for you. Or if your family couldn't get there. ita did so much to build our neighborhood. And it is our honor and pleasure to be the best neighbors we can to her family.

Community is in itself an explanation. It's like the proverbial Village. we built it and it is ours and she was a major part of it.

Family, to family, means blood. They are the ones who produced her and watched over her as she grew into the wonderful woman we got to know online.

Just my 2 cents.

I think "community" works pretty well.

I think community comes closest to what we want. Not all neighborhoods are communities, and not all communities are built by or from neighbors. Community implies a commonality, which is what brought us together with ita. Well, many commonalities.

Many, many thanks to those composing the obituary. And yes, to handoffs. I hope you know I'll help as needed and as I can, even if I haven't been especially vocal.

I dreamed Marshall Stacker was cancelin' the apocalypse, and was overjoyed because it meant ita would come home. And then I woke up.

In the same way that we take care of each other, we also take care of anything that is important to each member of our community.

Family was of utmost importance to ita. Her deep connection to her mother, father, sister and extended family was always in evidence. As a result, her family is of utmost importance to us. We are so thankful for their daughter, and for the impact she had on each and every one of us. Right now everyone who was connected with ita in any way is feeling a profound loss. There is a gaping hole where she should be. I just want to thank her blood family for the fact that ita was a foundational part of this "found family." If our pain is this great, then we know that their pain is orders of magnitude greater. I hope they know, that they are part of our large extended community and we share in their loss, and will do anything possible to support and help. While they may not know them personally, there are thousands of people that, due to their daughter, would move mountains for them.