I think secretly I always had half an eye on making ita laugh. Like, it's great to be COMM'ed, but if ita laughed...

making people check their assumptions

THIS! This right here. I do this to myself now because of her. This has helped make me a better person, to the extent that I am, because of her.

(Cross-posted with Natter.)

Like you all, I am having a hard time fathoming this. And I am so grateful you're all here and remembering and talking and honoring. I am so incredibly sorry for her family and Paula, and Norah and Allyson and everyone.

My favorite memory was when I finally met her at Kristin and Drew's wedding and I said "I know you don't hug" and put my hand out to shake her hand. And she enveloped me in a bear hug and told me I was ridiculous.

As I shared on FB, we had just talked the Friday before she left for Jamaica. I had sent her a router and a TiVo earlier and we were getting through the password shenanigans. She was excited about starting at the new job when she returned, and I could hear a lilt of hope in her voice that I hadn't heard for a long time. I remember getting off the phone and thinking "2015 is going to be her year." Fuck.

I probably can't do much day-to-day stuff in person in LA, but I can send funds to help with transport or other details. And I do plan to attend any memorial.

I love you all. And those of you who are making brief visits to talk about ita, I am so glad you've come back to say hi.

I won't know what to not click on.

Here she is with her spicy brains from the Ghost in the Shell discussion:

I'm keying on this, because one of the things we have in common is that we default to ourselves. I'm not saying there aren't a lot of people who subscribe to the American/Western ideals who aren't American or white or blonde or muscular/skinny as represented, but most often, prevailing local culture sways storytelling, and I think that's increasingly prevalent as more cultures shake off colonialisation and invasion after-effects (which Japan doesn't have to do).

I'm never going to say not to treat people like individuals who parse their culture(s) through their own experiences, but in absence of anything other than "An X wrote this", I think it's polite to assume until proven otherwise that X was talking about themselves. Because we're narrow like that.

(I still think the American Gods "he never mentioned race unless people were white" reasoning is a specious argument, because black people mention race all the time. It's a big deal in the West. That's the post-diasporic culture, which differs from many African countries.)

Raq!

love it.

I won't know what to not click on.

Ahahahahahaha.

The last time we really, really talked was at the holidays. She was having a hard time and asked if she could come stay with us.

The last time we shared 400sq ft. This time, I could offer a guest room and Kristen said she'd call to get a direct tv hookup in there. She said we were angels, and that was pretty much it.

Omg Raq! Right? I swear it is solely because of ita that I know about 2girls1cup and goatzee and who knows what other horrors. And she loved that, she loved grossing us out and linking up to some completely inappropriate thing.

I won't know what to not click on.

Right???