I do this thing, it's kinda dorky (OK, it's VERY dorky), where I award myself productivity points as motivation to get things done I could theoretically procrastinate or to stick with good habits. As I reach certain point levels, I either give myself a small reward or pledge to donate to some worthy cause at the end of the month. This year my worthy cause of choice is Heifer, and this month my levels are going to be shares of a goat. I will donate them in ita's memory, and I will think of her as I work out and write and try to make myself a stronger and better person.

I love that, Susan.

I keep feeling like I need to try goat one day. As in a meal.

Aaaaand, the sickbadwrong part of me is thinking "Susan should send this month's goat to Amy! Two problems solved!"

HAHAHAHAHA!

Amy, if you hear bleating out the window, IGNORE IT.

Ha, amych!

I think goat is the only commonly eaten land animal I've never tried. I've had lamb, rabbit, venison, even alligator, but I can't remember even having the opportunity to taste goat.

I'm sorry to ask but I have to because I have no spoons. I'm living on borrowed spoons. I will never be out of spoon debt.

I need someone to spearhead a difficult project. I would like to have a book made for ita's family. I think they're not truly aware of how deeply ita affected so many people.

I need someone to collect photographs of ita, and people's favorite memories of her. I can do the layout and have it printed and bound into a book for them, but I can't do the collecting.

It would involve reaching out to the Krav folks, and io9 folks, and whomever I have forgotten.

Could someone(s) do this? I can't. I really wish I could. I'm so sorry. I'm just not that far out of the clear from the ECT treatments and hospital and I'm having a difficult time dealing in general, and this has pushed me to a point I can't do this myself in an organized fashion.

I'm really sorry to ask. I want this done for her mother, father, and sister, but I'm spoon less. I'm sorry to be dramatic. I'm tired.

Oh, for fuck's sake, don't listen to Steph! DON'T IGNORE IT!

BUT! Run outside and yell "Boo!" or sound an airhorn or something. If it passes out BY NO MEANS TELL EMPRESS AIMS! She'll want to keep it and I do not want that.

If it doesn't pass out, kill it and eat it.

Or whatever you think best.

(Kill it and eat it.)

I keep trying to frame this in some way that I can put into words, but it don't work that way this time. Like her, this refuses to fit neatly into some preconceived notion of what it should be.

Allyson, that's a fantastic idea. Do not be sorry that you don't have the spoons to see it done.

I don't have the wherewithal. But Aims has some pictures she dug up to contribute, should anyone with more verve, vim and competence than I have choose to do it.

Allyson...you've done your bit for king and country. Take a break, grieve and weep.