Who I am today is inextricably tied into who I was then, with him. I can wish to have never met him, but that means I'm not the person I am right now, and I like her (for maybe the first time in a long time).

The grief in the immediate aftermath was like a sharp knife, cutting me into ribbons. It's still there, but more like a butter knife, blunted but still having the ability to cut if the conditions are right.

Connie's right, just moving on. What else is there to do?

Ah, Maria, I'm sorry things are painful and hard.

So glad Jilli's dad made it through everything OK.

Maria, love, all you can do is keep pushing through. And I'm talking out of my ass about grief, because this isn't an experience I've had a lot of experience with, but other traumas have to translate somewhat, right?

Anyway, all my love is with you.

Stepdad called D this morning, and they're telling M tonight. He said they knew they both messed this up. So we shall see what happens tonight.

Also, had long talk with lady we want to be our realtor, and now she just has to talk to E and convince her that the 180-200K E is adamant about getting for the house is not realistic. So, again, we shall see.

______

You know, on a different topic, y'all know I'm not Jewish, or anything, really -- I'm agnostic. But I like this idea of admitting I am a deeply imperfect person, and make mistakes, and hurt people or cause them pain. Not maliciously, but out of carelessness or thoughtlessness or plain stupidity.

To people whom I have hurt, irritated, annoyed, angered or caused pain, distress or frustration at any time in the past, I am truly, sincerely sorry. And if I can make amends for it, please let me know, because my religion is to try to be a decent person. It's hard sometimes, but I try. And I want to keep trying.

So there's that, and I hope me saying it inspired by the talk of Yom Kippur is not offensive to anyone; I just think taking a time to acknowledge any wrongs you have done people is a really good idea, and I wanted to do it, with the purest of intentions.

So, thank you for always being here, all of you.

Hmmm, we have Family Weekend on Yom Kippur. . . no protests that I know about but we're not a big football school like that.

Also, so far as I know ESPN and the MAC control when our team plays at home. . . and even if we weren't at home wouldn't the football team be playing at somebody else's home?

ita, I was able (through a completely random contact) to get my mom to a Dr. for a card down here. If you'd like, I can ask my random contact about Dr.'s in LA.

I did just have an encounter where some people were rolling on by me with a cart and flagged me down to offer, "Dim sum?"

I need some of this in my life.

I'm glad this place was here for you, Maria. And you, -t. It's a pretty special place.

Good news, Jilli!

ita, I'm not sure a medical marijuana prescription would be a help or not, but I also don't get why your doctor is opposed. For your purposes -- even if it was just for sleeping -- it's never been proved to be addictive, and it certainly helps a lot of people. But I'm not a huge fan of your medical team anyway, so.

With medical marijuana, it's possible to get strains that lack THC, so they don't get you stoned while giving you the other good stuff therein. I have no knowledge that THC et alia is any good with migraine at all, but given the number of other problems that ita experiences, I could see it worth being a gentle try.

I mean to talk to my psych physician (I have to check in with him every three months for my citalopram prescription) about what he's heard about its effects on anxiety.

With medical marijuana, it's possible to get strains that lack THC

My random connection was filling me in on some of this. She said the nearly THC-free stuff (I'm blanking on the name) isn't really seen much in California (it's not where the money is), but that you can still get it really low. And if you're taking it at bedtime anyway (her recommendation), it doesn't matter as much.

With medical marijuana, it's possible to get strains that lack THC

High Indica and Satvia strains. I take a tincture made with those strains to help with the insomnia.