Tom, what Teppy said. I love my parents, but they were active alcoholics when I was a kid and that sucked A LOT. I had a LOT of anger built-up and it took me a long time to be able to express. During therapy, I regularly had dreams of murdering them, which was scary as hell. However, my therapist kept reminding me that feelings aren't actions. I didn't have to control my feelings, just my actions. So I needed to let myself feel the rage and disappointment and whatever else came up. I didn't have to tell them, or anyone, really, unless I felt it was necessary. Learning to feel my feelings, rather than to judge, repress and/or fight them was the main benefit I got from my years of therapy--and it was HUGE.
Buffy: How was school today? Dawn: The usual. A big square building filled with boredom and despair.
Buffy: Just how I remember it.
'The Killer In Me'
Natter 73: Chuck Norris only wishes he could Natter
Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, butt kicking, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.
Scrappy - Sep 17, 2014 8:07:04 am PDT #6372 of 30000
Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Atropa - Sep 17, 2014 8:27:28 am PDT #6373 of 30000
The artist formerly associated with cupcakes.
Happy birthday, Lee!
Atropa - Sep 17, 2014 8:27:58 am PDT #6374 of 30000
The artist formerly associated with cupcakes.
Tom, what Teppy said about parents and anger is so, SO true.
Steph L. - Sep 17, 2014 8:32:22 am PDT #6375 of 30000
this mess was yours / now your mess is mine
And sometimes I wonder, well, I'm 43 -- how long should I feel angry about X, Y, or Z that my parents did 30 years ago? And the answer is: if anger comes back up, it comes back up. And I feel it, and sometimes get annoyed with myself for still having those feelings, but it happens. Smashing it down doesn't help. And feeling it won't lay waste to the world. (Which is both good and bad. Good because I don't actually want to destroy the world [all my stuff is here], and bad, because if I DON'T destroy the world with my raaaage, that must prove my anger isn't "legitimate." Oh yeah, I am so fucking mentally healthy.)
-t - Sep 17, 2014 8:33:27 am PDT #6376 of 30000
I am a woman of various inclinations and only some of the time are they to burn everything down in frustration
Random: I'm pleased to see a Miss America with a last name that ends in "v". Maybe more pleased that I haven't seen anyone else commenting on it (although there is an awful lot out there I don't see, of course, and I'm not exactly looking).
Tom Scola - Sep 17, 2014 8:41:34 am PDT #6377 of 30000
Remember that the frontier of the Rebellion is everywhere. And even the smallest act of insurrection pushes our lines forward.
if I DON'T destroy the world with my raaaage, that must prove my anger isn't "legitimate."
Oh, my God, so much this.
Steph L. - Sep 17, 2014 8:45:11 am PDT #6378 of 30000
this mess was yours / now your mess is mine
if I DON'T destroy the world with my raaaage, that must prove my anger isn't "legitimate."
Oh, my God, so much this.
Yeah, my rage feels pretty puny when I *do* let it out, and THAT pisses me off, too. It's a big complicated mess.
Lee - Sep 17, 2014 8:57:07 am PDT #6379 of 30000
The feeling you get when your brain finally lets your heart get in its pants.
Thanks all! And Happy Phoenix Day!
Tom Scola - Sep 17, 2014 8:58:17 am PDT #6380 of 30000
Remember that the frontier of the Rebellion is everywhere. And even the smallest act of insurrection pushes our lines forward.
Yeah, years of having my feelings ignored by my parents makes me feel like I can't get angry unless I'm somehow profound about it.
Steph L. - Sep 17, 2014 9:04:59 am PDT #6381 of 30000
this mess was yours / now your mess is mine
Yeah, years of having my feelings ignored by my parents makes me feel like I can't get angry unless I'm somehow profound about it.
You can get past that, though, and get to a point where you can just be angry in a non-profound way. Seriously. Would Scrappy and I lie?
And I think you shouldn't ignore how huge it is -- if you're like me -- that you could identify and then acknowledge that you're angry at your parents. It look me until I was in my 30s, I'm pretty sure, to stop thinking the world would end if I was angry at my parents for doing shit that was/is legitimately rage-inducing. Before that, I really thought that if I even admitted I was angry at my parents -- my god, HOW could I even think I had the RIGHT to be angry at them??? -- the world would fucking end. There was no bigger rule than You Feel How I Say You Feel.