Thank you, Typo, but they're not available online. If they had been, I would have already made a HUGE order. :)

Man, long, long day. Urgent word came on Friday from the building maintenance guy that inspectors from the City were coming to evaluate our entire building on Monday, so we'd need to clear out any belongings we actually wanted to keep from the storage space underneath Apt. #1. (I guess it's not legally a storage space at all? But apparently we can move everything we want to keep back again after the inspectors have okayed the building.)

So, today I dug up and sidewalk-Freecycled a bunch of ancient baby stuff, set aside another giant stack of things for Goodwill (didn't drop them off because today was the Haight Street Fair, a giant AVOID AT ALL COSTS event, but will do so tomorrow), found a few pieces of gorgeous curtain fabric whose loss I'd been mourning for several years, unearthed David's Little League uniforms (so tiny! so adorable! so musty from years in storage! so in need of a very long but exceptionally gentle wash!), and also found a solid-wood dresser from probably a half dozen tenants ago that will be perfect for Matilda and a solid-wood Adirondack chair.

Then off to the hardware store, got sandpaper and spray-on weatherproofer and new paint for the dresser, then home again and scrubbed the ever-living shit out of the chair and put two coats on the dresser. The chair still needs a ton of scrubbing and some kind of heavy-duty gloss, but for now it's at least sit-in-able. It's low and loungey and sturdy and it's been crouching all folded up and ignored for years in the storage space. I feel all accomplished, but also all used up -- we also need to install new fire alarms (why is the maintenance guy not doing it? I have no idea), and I got one at the hardware store but have been sitting and staring at the instructions for two hours in a haze of overexertion. Holes in wall, screws in holes, mount alarm on screws. I should be able to do this. But instead I'm just looking at the words and scratching my head and muttering, "I am Groot."

(why is the maintenance guy not doing it? I have no idea)

In every rental place I lived before the pre-Tim apartment complex, there was already a fire alarm/alarms, but I was responsible for remembering to change the batteries (and then doing it). In the pre-Tim apartment complex, I think they decided that several buildings' worth of dumbasses who forgot to change their fire alarm batteries was an insurance liability, so every 6 months Paul the maintenance guy came around and changed our batteries for us. I felt like goddamn royalty.

This was the apartment where the fire alarm was mounted on the ceiling right outside the bedroom door, presumably so that tenants wouldn't burn to death in their sleep. But it was *also* basically in the kitchen, and it was so sensitive that it would go off if I cooked ANYTHING in the oven. Not burned, mind you; just regular, non-charred baking. (I started to suspect that even running the hot water too long would make it go off.)

So one evening when it went off because I boiled water or something, I tried to push the button to make the beeping stop, and it wasn't working. So I took a broom and swatted the thing off the ceiling, which was immensely gratifying.

I'm totally used to being responsible for the battery, but installing a whole new alarm is a new one.

And, ugh. That sucks. Unless your kitchen is extremely well ventilated (which no rental kitchen I've ever seen is), basically in the kitchen is truly terrible placement.

The only way we verified that the smoke alarm works in this (Tim's) house works was by letting me make grilled cheese. Once. (The smoke alarm TOTALLY works. And I am no longer allowed to make grilled cheese.)

Holes in wall, screws in holes, mount alarm on screws. I should be able to do this. But instead I'm just looking at the words and scratching my head and muttering, "I am Groot."

Take it all to the maintenance guy, hand it over and tell him, "WE are Groot."

(Spoilerfonted for bitty GotG spoilers.)

I have set off the smoke alarm via cooking in four kitchens, only half of them mine, so this house had to have a range hood. This one has a professional range hood, which is too powerful, plus the kitchen is windowed and across from two screen doors.

Doesn't matter. I've set it off a bunch of times.

JZ - are you talking about the new combo carbon monoxide/fire alarms? The landlord is responsible for purchasing and installing those. Full stop. Actually, the landlord is responsible for the installation of any and all fire alarms.

We yanked down our old smoke alarm because it was wired into the electrical system and it went off all night, every twenty minutes.

So, while they should just pay for it themselves there seems to be some feeling that we should slap something up to pass inspection.

Hooray for the Internet! I confirmed that the number I found is indeed the VIN for the 69 Mustang in the backyard! I don't know why the Utah DMV doesn't have it, perhaps it just fell out of the system.