We had a new (or -- I hope -- just a substitute) mail carrier today. I know because he left a package balanced on the front porch railing instead of putting it inside the screen door. (1) Dude, it could fall off and the zombie gnome will get it, or (2) this neighborhood is no stranger to packages disappearing from porches; if you put it up on the railing for everyone to see, that's just asking for it to be stolen.

Are you off work next week?

Yes.

I thought you might be -- because if you had to work, you'd have to get on the internet, and that would ruin your plan.

Exactly! It's way too easy to web-surf while these files are downloading.

Tell me about it. In theory, I'm proofreading an editorial about Ebola. IN THEORY.

if you put it up on the railing for everyone to see, that's just asking for it to be stolen.

All my delivery people are wonderful about putting my packages (and shop a lot online, so I probably do get more than average (my neighbors have PLENTY to wonder about me, I'm sure) as out of sight as they can. Sometimes to the point where I don't see them right away, but I do appreciate it.

It really annoyed me when I was home all day that they would leave packages right in front of my door that swings outward, so opening the door was hard. However, now that deliveries mostly come while I'm at work, that works out just fine; I just pick up the package before I open the door.

THEORETI-CLY.

Theoretically, I'm finishing up the last few articles I have to have done before I go virtually away. In reality, I am thinking of napping.

I have: one article I just got today that has to be edited by tomorrow EOB, one article that I'm waiting on the corresponding author to track down one of the co-authors, three I'm waiting for authors to return comments on the proofs, four I've handed off to the part-timer to do while I'm gone, nine in the pipeline to arrive on my desk next Monday (ha!), and 13 currently on my virtual desk waiting to be edited. Totally under control!

That sounds like a great vacation plan, Zen.

I cannot believe how much I am looking forward to a self-imposed electronic blackout.

We don't have a problem with our packages being stolen since we moved from our last place, but I have asked the various delivery people to please ring the bell because it is difficult for me to carry in some of the heavier packages but, so far, no luck.

one article that I'm waiting on the corresponding author to track down one of the co-authors, three I'm waiting for authors to return comments on the proofs

Authors are a pain in the ass, I tell you what.