Exactly! It's way too easy to web-surf while these files are downloading.

Tell me about it. In theory, I'm proofreading an editorial about Ebola. IN THEORY.

if you put it up on the railing for everyone to see, that's just asking for it to be stolen.

All my delivery people are wonderful about putting my packages (and shop a lot online, so I probably do get more than average (my neighbors have PLENTY to wonder about me, I'm sure) as out of sight as they can. Sometimes to the point where I don't see them right away, but I do appreciate it.

It really annoyed me when I was home all day that they would leave packages right in front of my door that swings outward, so opening the door was hard. However, now that deliveries mostly come while I'm at work, that works out just fine; I just pick up the package before I open the door.

THEORETI-CLY.

Theoretically, I'm finishing up the last few articles I have to have done before I go virtually away. In reality, I am thinking of napping.

I have: one article I just got today that has to be edited by tomorrow EOB, one article that I'm waiting on the corresponding author to track down one of the co-authors, three I'm waiting for authors to return comments on the proofs, four I've handed off to the part-timer to do while I'm gone, nine in the pipeline to arrive on my desk next Monday (ha!), and 13 currently on my virtual desk waiting to be edited. Totally under control!

That sounds like a great vacation plan, Zen.

I cannot believe how much I am looking forward to a self-imposed electronic blackout.

We don't have a problem with our packages being stolen since we moved from our last place, but I have asked the various delivery people to please ring the bell because it is difficult for me to carry in some of the heavier packages but, so far, no luck.

one article that I'm waiting on the corresponding author to track down one of the co-authors, three I'm waiting for authors to return comments on the proofs

Authors are a pain in the ass, I tell you what.

UPS is, for some reason, the reliable delivery service in our neck of the woods. USPS is from hell.

USPS here used to be like the Ankh-Morpork postal service before Moist von Lipwig got assigned to it, but it's definitely the more reliable delivery service now.

If I can't get something delivered via USPS, then I usually just send it to my office since UPS and Fedex stick up their thumbs and say, "There is nobody home."

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Authors are a pain in the ass, I tell you what.

Dude, really. Corresponding author told me to take one coauthor out of the byline because he "didn't know where she was anymore". Come on - just because she left the company doesn't negate her contributions to the paper! Anyway, I can't just remove someone from the byline on his say-so, without even asking them if they're okay with it. Turns out (a) she was in the byline of the conference version of the paper, as were all the other coauthors, and (b) all the other coauthors are male; she is the only female, and she's young. I was suspicious. I contacted the Editor in Chief, he also was suspicious, and told the corresponding he had to keep her name in. So now he's tracking down where she went. Which, why didn't he just do that before? Nuh-uh, buddy, you think you can sneakily get rid of a pesky coauthor? Not on my watch!

heroic music plays