I feel like, I've reached an age where there will never again be a year in which no one I loved, personally or from afar, dies.

I think that's true. (We're same age, right? '61?) It's been driven home by my reconnection with Kenyon Alumni, and we've had so many people dying in the last two years. Women dying of cancer, men of heart attacks (mostly). Though a random car accident recently.

It's daunting.

Both of my parents are dead, and my sister is 8 years older than me and not in great health (very overweight, smoking, sedentary) so I'm kind of bracing myself for that one.

(We're same age, right? '61?)

Close enough. 1963.

My parents are dead! #Batman

My sister is 14 years older than me. She's in quite good health, except for that heart condition that showed up a couple years ago. She's supposed to take it easy, but she does not. She still does all her own yard work, and paints her houses herself, and is more active at 65 than I've ever been. And that's good, but sometimes it scares me when she doesn't answer her phone, you know? We've had That Talk, about wills and estates and end-of-life care, and what I'm supposed to do as her executor, and I have filed it all away in my head under Someday and I try not to think about it.

Thanks, everyone for the birthday wishes yesterday. Last night Miriam took me out to an Ethiopian restaurant (the same one where we had our mini-f2f a few weeks ago). She got to taunt me for being an old man, and I won't be able to get any retaliatory taunting in until she turns 50 in half a year.

Yes, but that gives you 6 months to think of some REALLY good taunts.

My older sister is my only blood family left, and she has a husband and children and a large circle of friends who will look after her. I should put together something for myself, I guess.

I think I was lucky in that I reached age 29 before the death of someone around my age that I knew personally and liked.

I think I've spoken of the classmate that died when I was in eighth grade. I'd only known her since the beginning of seventh grade, but I knew her reasonably well because it was a fairly small school and we both played clarinet in the band.

What really freaked me out was learning that someone I'd been in grade school with died in his mid-twenties. I'd known him since kindergarten, and we were at each other's house for birthday parties and things like that.

Is thinking you're burnt out at your job a sign that you're burnt out? It just doesn't stop. I know I'm good at what I do. I was just named to be the Vice-Chair of a major committee for our national organization. I'll be part of a keynote address at our conference next month. And yet? All I can think is there's got to be more than this.

I've got four responses to major RFPs going out the door between tomorrow and Tuesday. There's at least three more on the horizon before April 1st. If we don't start winning some, my job could be in jeopardy. And I can't figure out why we're not winning. Our margins are razor-thin.

Blergh. I'm having a day. Sorry.

I should put together something for myself, I guess.

I think about this, too. I have no children, no younger siblings, and I know my sister's kids will not be looking after me when I'm elderly and infirm. My BFF is the same age as me, and her kids won't be looking after anyone ever. My other BF is in her early 30s, and has no kids. I tell her, she's gonna hafta take care of me when I'm old. She expects me to be a hilarious old person.

So I made this concoction of wild rice and brown rice with carrots and corn and peas for lunch. I even put some butter in it, and it still tastes like... vegetables. Ugh. I'm spending 380 calories on this?

and it still tastes like... vegetables

I hate having to eat things out of responsibility. It makes mealtime so depressing.

I have tried various preparations of vegetables. They still taste like vegetables, and all the primping does is make them not taste bad. It does not make them taste good. They're still vegetables.

All this rice. I could have had a baked potato, probably gotten fewer carbs, and been more satisfied. Not having that again. I'll look for a vegetable side that isn't mired in non-delicious white carbs. I only picked this one because it had brown rice too, but there's so little of it, I can't imagine it matters. If it's just for fiber, I would've gotten more from a potato skin.

Yes, I'm dieting again. I hate myself. Not for being fat, for giving in to the feeling that I should be dieting. So you all get to hear my sad commentary about my food. Sorry.