Yesterday someone who stops in to visit occasionally did so, and I was trying to explain the grief and anger and who ita is and how twisting it all is, and he put on his best Face of Earnest Empathy, patted my shoulder, and said warmly, "She would want you to be happy." Which, placed against the vast entirety of ita and her wants and expectations for those around her, was so utterly ridiculous I just barely stopped myself from laughing in his well-intentioned face.
I still get queasy horrified wrong-like-an-ita-link giggles just thinking about it.
::pat, pat, there, there, measured murmuring tones::
"She would want you to be happy." Snork! I mean, come on, just come the fuck ON.
Beverly, thank you for saying that.
We are a fucking amazing group of people. Don't ever let anyone think differently.
Could I love BevDog more? No I could not.
Thanks shrift, yeah am still doing the stuff. Dinner with parents tomorrow.
Best thing ever is that jesse arrives Saturday and then we see DJ and India on Sunday and that will be good.
Oh, Bev. Love to you.
I've being saying yes to getting together with people this year.
Yes. I'm so glad I'm getting together with the NC-istas to raise a glass to ita tonight. I'm so glad that I went to the DC F2F all those years ago, even though I was in such a bad place in my life when I first found this board. I'm so glad that I said yes every time I have have said yes to spending time with Buffistas in person over the years. I want to do it more.
Best thing ever is that jesse arrives Saturday and then we see DJ and India on Sunday and that will be good.
Yay! I also have dinner with Ellen on Friday -- all of this pre-planned -- so am feeling good about spending time with Buffistas. (Am feeling less good about the state of my apartment, but I'm sure Ellen will understand.)
Oh fun!
Ellen I miss you and I have these things you gave me and they make me smile all the time.
It's msbelle day! Karaoke sounds quite fun for ushering in a new year.
Allyson, when my SIL got the call that her father had died, she was six month's pregnant, and we were all there for Christmas (it was the day after Christmas), and I remember thinking at that time, "If I never see someone scream and cry like that again, it will be too soon." Seriously, bless you for doing that. You won't ever be able to unhear it, so share as you need to. Truly.
I don't know how to start or what to say that won't violate ita's privacy. Or to even appear to make this all about me, or appear to be an attention whore of some kind. I haven't been here in so long.
Is there a way I can save my texts? I have all of these messages I want to keep. The last message I sent was "What's the word?"
But she was already gone for two days. I keep looking at it waiting for an answer. She was supposed to move in with us this month. If she had, she wouldn't have been alone. One of the messages I keep reading from her reads, "I'd be dead without Buffistas and the nurse…humans aren't supposed to roll alone."
It has been far too long sine I've seen any Buffistas in person. I need to fix that.
