My back pain has been nowhere near what ita went through, and I couldn't even get a doctor to take that seriously for years. What she went through fills me with helpless rage. Our nation's Puritan policies are focused more on punishing and thwarting criminals and addicts than on helping people in need. There are far more of the latter, but the gatekeepers end up treating the needy like criminals or addicts. I'd rather we helped people in pain and risked treating the criminals and addicts like people in need, after all they usually are. How to change this fucking destructive system, I don't even know.

I'd like to legislate "ita's Law": If a doctor doesn't prescribe a person in pain adequate pain meds, they get a solid kick in the nads and tasered while they're down, and then two doctors stand over them, one to ask them to rate their pain on this frowny-face chart, and the other to write them a scrip for one Tylenol.

I just got really excited about some good news and then laughed a lot at some GamerGate trolling and I felt bad for having positive emotions. It just feels wrong to be happy about anything so soon.

It's fucking stupid that she's gone. It's fucking stupid and I hate it.

It's fine to be happy about stuff! It's fine not to! All is fine.

ask them to rate their pain on this frowny-face chart,

OMG, the frowny-face chart!

I felt bad for having positive emotions. It just feels wrong to be happy about anything so soon.

Nah, positive emotions are absolutely called for right now. But I do also understand the guilt.

It's fucking stupid that she's gone. It's fucking stupid and I hate it.

That's how I felt yesterday. Everything was stupid yesterday. The worst was that it was all so stupid in a petty way that I couldn't be roused to be overly emotional about either. All (or almost all) of my emotions belong to ita and you guys right now.

Omg, there is Jesse again with her supportive people are different bullshit. You and your rational logic consideration of others.

Omg, there is Jesse again with her supportive people are different bullshit. You and your rational logic consideration of others.

The nerve! You, on the other hand, are the nicest.

I jumped back into William Gibson's book Pattern Recognition because it has been the only book to ever fully capture the idea of an online message board community for me. A message board created and hosted by a regular person (A South Korean police officer) to discuss and dissect, obsessively, a series of evocative film snippets released one at a time by an unknown film maker via the internet.

Flame wars, off-topic discussions, big personalities and long-standing relationships/feuds/in jokes.

I wonder if Gibson ever lurked here or on TT or even the Bronze for that matter.

I just got an e-mail from my dad asking me what happened and was it someone he knew. He never reads FB and doesn't know about b.org (well, roughly, he knows I have online friends, just not where to find them).

Sigh. Now to craft a response.

Omg, there is Jesse again with her supportive people are different bullshit. You and your rational logic consideration of others.

The last thing we need to be doing right now is beating ourselves up over feelings! Sheesh.