I'm torn between wanting to be here every second and kinda not being able to handle being here. Or on Facebook. Or in the world.

Yep, totally. I spent all day yesterday closing tabs so I could focus on work and then frantically opening them again because I didn't want to be alone.

I had that same thought, Plei.

I don't know how many people have seen this but in honor of ita's links:

[link]

AAAND I'm torn between wanting to be here every second and kinda not being able to handle being here. Or on Facebook. Or in the world.

Yep.

BTW, I hit something in the BRQG that stopped me cold for a while. So if you are Buff Diving, there are dragons in there.

I am contrariwise feeling more forgiving towards Gus, because I would be so happy if this was somehow an elaborate hoax.

Work, right, I should be doing that. 3 things I gotta do. Wait I did one. Two things I gotta do.

Cash, I saw that on a secret FB group I'm part of (ita would have LOVED it--the group, that is, though maybe that song), and wow.

Possibly more WTF than the RectoFlute.

I haven't posted about it on Facebook. Everybody I know there who needs to know already knows. Those who don't, I kind of don't want to share it with them.

Mostly, I try to think of what I might say, and nothing comes.

That song is a better earworm than, Mr. Roboto, which is what's currently in my head.

I thought of Gus also, and in the same way!

The place where I worked for 30 years was so great in many ways. People were friends and family for each other, and still are. A coworker died very suddenly of a heart attack in December, and going to the funeral was such an odd thing as a retiree. Everyone was so happy to see each other ... but it sucked that that was why were all together again.

I'm drinking lots of water because I think crying is more dehydrating than other things, and I'm so sad about ita, and now that I am reading things about her migraines, getting angry ...

and yet I'm so happy to see the pixels of everyone. Before this happened, just last week, I was thinking about Lizard and John H and how much I enjoyed reading when they were posting with all the regulars, and much I missed them when they went away, and it's just so great to see other people like Rick and DX and Emily and and and....

And it totally blows that this is why.

Someone I know only peripherally (via two friends who are in a migraine support group with her) posted a photo of some kind of migraine meds on her FB page last week, and was talking about how hard it was to get them. I don't know enough about this, but it sounds like a common problem, that people, women in particular, can't get the pain meds they need. That's so awful.

I'm in for $ to finance a book, and if it were available, I'd be interested in a copy myself to remember her by.

I have a guy coming to work on the house soon and I need to do stuff too. I'll be checking in though.

OK, so being unemployed, I have jack shit to do today but hang out and feel like I'm around my peeps. Sorry for the whole thing where for ages, you'll only see me in the fanfic thread. My job sort of did a number on my ability to can, and I see a few hundred messages in Natter and go all, "ACK! CAN'T CATCH UP!"

Or, worse, I just lurk because I think I'm going to say something stupid.

Scola, if you would like another reason to dislike my former company, I can give you a zillion! Ahem.

Note: this is also how my TV viewing has been going.

Anyhow, I'm emotionally in a much better place than I was when I was working, except for that pesky lack of a paycheck thing, but I still get overwhelmed easily. So it's probably better if I stay here, and keep caught up, right?

Cause what I'm trying to say is, I've missed you guys. I've missed us. I wouldn't be where I am today (which, OK, is sitting in my chair in PJs with a cup of coffee, but I don't mean literally) without you. I found this place when I needed a home, when my meatspace friend circle was dissolving into a puddle of growing apart and moving away. I was, well, unemployed and spending all my time in jammies with a cup of coffee, so that's the same, but I've got you guys now.

I found fandom, proper, non-douchey guy fandom (I went to my first con at 16, so I knew from the douchefans), though you. I started writing fiction because of you (it seemed polite, OK? all these people who were writing wonderful stuff, and I felt I should contribute), I grew close to Jilli because of you, I embraced media analysis because of you.

Almost all my best friends, even if I didn't meet them here, I met because of you.

Hell, I got on an airplane for the first time since 1991 because of you.

So to sum up the tl;dr, I love you guys. You matter. You're important.

And I should say that more often.

Because it's true.

Major Plei huggage. I could've written so much of that myself.

Right?