I woke up feeling better, my emotions realigned, and then I remembered, and I felt guilty for feeling slightly okay and functional. Luckily I'm working from home today but I have to be more productive than I was yesterday.

I am going to go get a blueberry donut and watch Parks and Rec.

I'm very grateful that all of you are in my life.

The day after a shock can be very baffling. The world is still there, going about its worldly things, and you have your own worldly things to deal with, but your life's axis had gained a pronounced wobble.

your life's axis had gained a pronounced wobble

Exactly this.

I actually slept last night, pretty solidly, despite my worry last night that I wouldn't be able to sleep. But I'm still exhausted today, which isn't surprising. I'm going to force myself to stick to my to-do list (goddamn quarterly freelance taxes), because otherwise I think I'll just be pinned to the couch by inertia and grief all day.

Doesn't matter how we met. What matters is how much love and caring there is between us.

The cats were remarkably understanding this morning that it took forty minutes to work up the ambition to stand up so I could feed them.

Jesus -- I was just on Facebook looking at friend suggestions, and one of them was a family friend who died a couple of years ago. I was just thinking about her funeral, and how my first reaction to seeing her son (possibly my first friend) was "It's so good to see you!" But, you know, not under these circumstances. And how it feels like that here right now.

I got to the office, on time even, and realized I didn't have my purse, so I came home to get it and decided on that drive that I will work from home today.

Good call, -t.

Yeah, Connie, it feels like the poles have shifted. Like all my reference points are gone.

The SO will be gone all day today (he offered to stay but I declined) so Ima need you guys today.

I did not sleep great. My stupid brain decided it would be funny to have stupid dreams. Not anxiety dreams, not emotional dreams. Sit com stupid situation dreams that make no sense. Then there was the dehydration. I woke twice and downed entire glasses of water.

We did make it to karate last night and I punch and kicked, but just the air. A bag would have been much more fulfilling. I may make a krav class Friday. In the coming weeks I will be doing karate at least twice a week and krav at least once. My anger has to go somewhere, I might as well get strong.

Everything feels like it has a jagged edge to it today. There are angles where there should be curves.